An affair has legal, financial, emotional -- even medical (just check out today's development from MarriedCrazy) -- implications on a family.
So given those implications, the OP *should* be confronted as long as OP is M.
But those same implications are insufficient grounds for confronting OP -- perhaps to undermine the excitement associated with the secrecy -- if OP is single?
SO the legal, financial, emotional, and medical implications only matter in the case of OP's spouse?
Smiley, I believe Puppy was advocating telling the OMs W, not confronting the OM. In the case where the A partners are both married, the spouses of both should be aware of the A. That way everyone is on a level playing field and each person can make decisions based upon the facts. If the OP is single then this really doesn't apply and is therefore a confrontation.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
An affair has legal, financial, emotional -- even medical (just check out today's development from MarriedCrazy) -- implications on a family.
So given those implications, the OP *should* be confronted as long as OP is M.
But those same implications are insufficient grounds for confronting OP -- perhaps to undermine the excitement associated with the secrecy -- if OP is single?
SO the legal, financial, emotional, and medical implications only matter in the case of OP's spouse?
No, those implications only mean that the other person's significant other should be exposed to -- not the other person confronted themselves. It is up to THEIR partner (and I would include both spouses and long-term Rs here) to do with the information what they wish, but at least they'll be doing so in an informed manner.
You SHOULD expose him to his wife! Why -- out of the 4 people involved -- should she be the only one NOT to know? Why shouldn't she be able to make the same decisions that she needs to make for HER family, as you are getting to thoughtfully contemplate for YOURS?
An affair has legal, financial, emotional -- even medical (just check out today's development from MarriedCrazy) -- implications on a family. A betrayed spouse has an absolute moral right to know, and I believe that you have a moral obligation to tell her.
Puppy
Thought provoking...
I definitely would if I had any sort of real evidence. In my case, I only have the knowledge that my W is still occasionally reaching out to him and withdrawing from me. That is enough for me to understand my sitch, but I have never seen anything that shows him being other than the recipient of a lot of attention from my W.
I'm not sure how I would even approach it..."Hi, just wanted to let you know that my W has been secretly sending emails to your H - I don't know what they are, or how often or even whether he ever responded but..."
I also really don't want to get sucked into the spying roller coaster again - not healthy for me.
Definitely open for feedback.
Sorry for hijacking SP.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Hijack away. Of course, as I've pointed out elsewhere, you don't know what OM's W knows. Your little bit of information could the last piece of the puzzle SHE needs. Signal-to-noise ratios are all purely speculative.
Of course (selfishly) the last thing that I want is for OM to suddenly become single, fully available, and looking for someone to comfort him.
I can understand that thought, but I still don't think it relieves you of the moral obligation, as it's still a selfish (yet perfectly understandable) stance.
If you knew the foundation of the woman's house had a crack in it, and the building could possibly collapse . . . wouldn't you let her know?
