Stress, WAW and life in general II

[AJM]

You know, I may just ditch my therapist in favor of you. I could kiss you right about now. Virtually of course.

You're right. It is BS. It is a series of tests. The hard part for me is that this is because she is broken. She's broken because she took on too much. She still is. It would be comical if it weren't so painful. It remains painful and I remain more and more scarred from it. The scar is getting thicker I think. But I'm still a survivor. I'm still here because I want my wife back.

I had lunch with my pastor a little while ago. He initially thought she wanted her freedom because we were lovers before we were friends. I corrected him. We were friends before lovers. Always. We dated for three years. We later agreed that this is her trying to get away. She doesn't feel she can get away from school. She doesn't feel she can get away from the kids. She feels that the only thing left that she can "control" is me. And damn me, I don't play along as her fantasy suggests I would. :0)

I think she's mad at me because I have a great relationship with my kids, which she wanted me to have, but now is jealous of and angry its not her. I realized early in this escapade that my relationship with the kids was hindered by her. Knowing that allows me to "fix" my issue with the kids. We get along great now that I know what I know. It pisses W off, although I think she's mad at herself and projecting it to me. Doesn't help though.

I've considered handing her the walking papers. Many times and I may still. Psych's call that the paradox technique. We here call it a 180. It relies on you being 100% sincere no matter what. My instinct says its not time for that. Yet. That may still come but I don't think we're there yet.

I have thought all along that she has been painting the scene to fit the crime. She is. She has told me, "..where we are now" as if the other issues didn't work so now...

It's a sickness.

I don't take my rings off. For the same reasons you listed. She does try to give glimpses of hope. But I think she does it subconsciously to be honest. I think she can't differentiate between reality and her fantasy at this point. Her fantasy is to get away from her stressors. She's realizing I'm not the cause of the stress. She hasn't yet realized that she is causing the stress and I'm the one getting the blame for it, "because I'm the safe one and the only one she has a say about" in her mind. Thanks to the school shrink for that one.

It's not 100% because of the kids. I know that too.

Our sits are so similar I'm almost hoping you'll write the next paragraph. I'll write the one after that if you will

Thanks 2ga. I appreciate that.


AJ