It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

Hello again,

All I can say is hang in there kid.

As I read through your first post in this thread and the post about your surgery it was like dejavu. I had this exact conversation with myself last Saturday as I was taking a long drive. Our situations are VERY similar. I was driving, thinking about how things are pleasant and friendly with hubby, but he obviously doesn't love me and has no intention of it. Then I thought back through the years of all the things that I overlooked like the year that he decided it was better for him to live in his own apartment when I just happened to be pregnant with the twins and that on the day they were born he went home to sleep instead of sleeping in my private room at the hospital because "he would be more comfortable in his own bed". And this was years ago.

And then I had an epiphany...maybe he never was the person I projected him to be. Well, maybe in the very beginning. And realizing this made me realize that he will never change to be that person and will probably never be the person that I need him to be. And it was a load off my soul for some reason. Because its not about what I do or don't do. Or the conversations we have. That's just the way he is. And I'm the way I am. And maybe things will come back together, but I don't think he'll ever meet my expectations of what I'm looking for and its wrong for me to expect him to.

I realized he's just like my mom in that he just doesn't or can't feel like that. And I've let her off the hook after years of never feeling like she cared for me, so I can probably let him off the hook too.

I have a decision to make, but its my decision and I have time.

I know these are weird things to say, but like I said...I was feeling all the feelings you expressed and then..poof...I wasn't.

I hope you can find peace and a place to breath and realize you're loved.

TIT,

Thanks for your post. I understand what you are talking about but it is hard to convey to people who are still withiout their spouses at home. It's kinda like you never really understood what it meant to be betrayed until you were. Upon reconcillation and being almost 11 months down the road, I didn't expect him to still have "in love" feelings for her. He LIED about that, but it was to protect me. I get that, but that still indicates to me .. he is capable of lying and fooling me about what he is feeling. I will say that my H was always there for me before... so that is different. He has always been supportive, get up in the middle of the night.. even though I was nursing and he had to work the next day ... just so he could sit there with me and do the diaper change .... so this is different. I don't want to seem I am harping him .... I use this place for learning and quesitoning and venting. I question the difference in him. There is something off.... it's hard to get that "off" here in a post that doesn't come across as I am beating him down about it. But the reality is we have to address it and fix it. There are times to let issues set and rest and ride.... there are times to fix it. We need to fix it and move forward.