The Flames are Still Rising....

[blindsided1]

I know. It just hurts to read it on paper. To see how he has been and know that it is going to hurt him that I am putting it out there for the world to see. As much as I hate him sometimes...I love him, too (even if I say I don't). I just keep reminding myself that I am doing this for K's benefit. I need to stop worrying about his feelings and if it hurts him. He certainly has not taken my feelings into account...not once.

I'm just sad that it came to this. I feel much much stronger than I did a year ago and I honestly feel like I am near the end of this crap. But, it makes me sad to lose some of the love I felt for him. He's family to me, whether I am to him, or not. I'm losing a part of myself, a part of my heart. No way around that. So, I need to prepare for him to be a bigger jerk than before. Now, I just want it to be done and settled (preferrably in my favor) so there is no more fighting over what is and what will be. We just go on with our own lives and I let go of him. He's already let go of me...long ago.