trying to figure it out...

[Dom R]

hi Ann!
Glad you gave an update... and REALLY glad, that you seem to be in a more balanced state of mind. Nice to hear you'll be focusing on YOU for your birthday for once, too!

I think it's really interesting that your husband went to not one, but TWO MC sessions. I think that says something positive about him, even though it may not seem like it.
MC isnt just about "going to a counsellor". it's finding the right one for you. And just because "he picked it", doesnt make it the right one "for him". he probably just picked it out of a hat

Some things that I have noticed, over the past 3 years

There are differing attitudes for types of MC, from both the counsellor, and the counselled.

On the counsellor side; some counsellors have the perspective that your current one does, of "oh, well, it's all very fuzzy and fluid, and 'there are no guarantees', but there's a good deal of hope".
Then there are counsellors with the perspective of, "Here is a specific dynamic between married couples, that is effective. If you stick with 'the plan', you will have a great marriage".

On the couples side, there are some people who think "MC's are just trying to push their views on me. Anyone who tells me I have to do it *their way*, is an idiot/bad counsellor/no one i want to talk to".
Then in contrast, there are some people who think, "Oh ....., they just want us to 'talk about our feelings', blah blah blah, this is a total waste of time; it will never lead any where!"

There's probably more than just the two attitudes on each side but hopefully this shows off the idea that there is a pairing that works, and there is a pairing that doesnt work, for both types of attitude.

Sounds like your husband might appreciate being matched up with an MC of the more "concrete plan" style.

(ironically, your current one, sounds like he is the best for you personally, Ann. Which is fine for you. but if you wish to get your husband interested in going himself, I might suggest a different one for him to see)