Saving Military Marriage - 3

[jaguilar]

Have a good night Fit.

[FitChik]

I know one the first things we are supposed to grasp is to believe nothing our S says.

My H told me so many things this morning that just don't add up. He says he cheated in all of his previous Rs - which he told me he was always faithful. And everything he told me were just lines & thiings you say to women and he didn't mean any of them. And our vows were just words.

I just don't know what to believe or think at this point. Is this truly who he is or is he just pushing my buttons? It's hard to decifer anything!!

[AFWAW]

It is hard to decipher. My wife tells me things that are cruel as well. In my mind, they do this to make it easier to execute and justify what they are doing. Mine has told me everything from I'm an emotional toddler to stop acting like I'm 12 to she doesn't love me and so on. Let's put it this way. What obligation did he have to marry you? None is the answer--he wanted to do it. He may have cheated in his previous relationships--I could see why he wouldn't tell you this previously. The rest sounds like garbage to justify his actions.

[FitChik]

Yeah, it all sounds like garbage to me also. He is trying to justify his actions and why things won't work. I guess it makes him feel better. I just don't know what to do with this many anymore... I wish I didn't love him so much! :-)

[AFWAW]

Yeah, I hear you. I still love my wife too. It took her being mean to me for me to emotionally detach. I honestly don't think at this point she is going to come to her senses and while there is always hope from what I'm learning, you need to act as if you may be getting a divorce so you are prepared in the event it happens. It is tough, I know. Be strong!

[FitChik]

Same here. I have been able to emotionally detach a lot. I also don't think H will come to his senses. It will be the hand of God speaking to him for that to happen - and he states he doesn't have faith anymore. I have hope for a miracle but I do not envision one in the near future.

I am trying to cope & act like we're getting Ded. Some days are better than others. I'm sure once I have been served and get a L - it will become very real!

[AFWAW]

He is trying to justify his actions and why things won't work.

This is one of the hardest things for me to wrap my brain around. The other person has to want things to work. My wife doesn't want things to work and it sounds like your husband doesn't want things to work either. So, how do you make them want to make it work? Tough question. So far, for what I can make out, getting a life it part of it. You have to make him think that you are awesome and he would be a fool to give you up. You're still deployed, right? Take some pics of you having fun with some other people--I know there are guys where you are at. Not saying to do anything wrong but hey, he can draw his own conclusions about what's happening as he's making you guess about what his plans are probably. Hope you have a good day!

[FitChik]

They have to decide that for themselves. My H continues to tell me he doesn't want it to work and never will again. I am not sure how you enter a M and decide so quick you don't want it to work. I think that part will always be a mystery and it the hardest part for me. I never got a chance to truly know our potential together and that will always haunt me.

I have sent some pics of me skiing and hiking and had responses from that. He asked if I found some guys to hang out with :-). I am still learning to manage our R will be hold for a while and possibly will never be resolved. I will keep hope though :-)

[jaguilar]

Fit,

It's hard to manage an R when he is over there and you're here. It's also to talk to tough from that distance as well.

Why don't you send him and his buddies a care package? Cookies, gum you know the routine.

Drop a little note in there, just thinking about you and friends...be safe.

Something like that...

[FitChik]

Great suggestion. I am doing little things like that but nothing over the top.

I really don't feel like I know this man right now. I am so confused about everything at this point. I am sure I get clarity after I've digested some of the stuff we've talked about lately.