Wow. I'm an idiot. The wind has been knocked out of my sails (again).
The tension was alleviated not because the addiction was winding down but because the EA has been ongoing and has escalated to in-person meetings with hugs and talking about their feelings in person. Maybe a two week break right when the bomb dropped.
We had an OR talk. (My bad, though not openly needy, very calm and supportive). He is still torn and has been going to MC still trying to figure out where we went off the rails. Still feels we have something deep but his feelings for OW are overwhelming. He feels loved when with her and doesn't think he has ever felt that way before. He said he had hope for us when the bomb dropped and he turned to me but a few days later we were back to the same old.
In the last couple days, outsiders are starting to find out--Her ex boyfriend, ex husband, the old workplace with public outbursts between parties of interest (my H moved on to a new workplace), etc.
I asked what they talk about that interests him when it wasn't their R or future and he said lately it has been their R and she is getting pissy and impatient. She accused him of cake eating and it made him mad. He said he doesn't want any part of another kid, ex husband, credit problems, psycho ex boyfriend, etc. and feels NO responsibility for those issues of hers. She is telling him they will work out the problems together. He said every rational part of him wants to come to me and be closer to me except for his powerful feelings.
