Most Difficult Time of My Life

[Kokopelli]

Well, I have moved out. Moved out this past weekend. W pushed me so hard to move and didn't respect my boundaries I had asked for...not showing up during move, allowing me to stay in house on Saturday. I am in a more peaceful place right now. Missing my W like crazy though.

She has not showed 1 single sign of backing down from her decision to continue the divorce, but she did show emotion for the 1st time in months this past weekend. She cried on Friday and gave me a hug while arguing about finances.

Sunday, I came back to the house to pick up a few small items and help hookup her computer and TV. We talked, and she asked to see my apartment. I asked why...and said I didn't think it was a good idea. She turned her back and began to cry. Just prior to that, she came in the room arguing with me and I asked why she had to be so mean to me. I have been nothing but sweet, and she asked why I decided to change as soon as she mentioned separating...I replied I am finally awake and paying attention. She walked out and started crying...

As I was leaving she gave me a hug and told me she really misses my hugs, then she said "I love you"!!! WTF??

I haven't heard those words in nearly 2 months. I don't understand if she really means this, or if she's trying to manipulate me for the divorce situation so I'll be nice. I am going to take it at face value for what she said though and not over anaylyze it.

She has been reaching out the last several days to me. I have been detaching and GAL, trying to be patient. I feel as though I am being too cold to her though and don't want to distance myself too much. I think this just might be me reacting to this unnatural feeling of distancing from her when I just want to be close again.

She has sent me text messages asking how I am doing...I did not reply. Yesterday, I accidentally called her and she called me back immediately, and started asking how my day was on Monday. I was friendly but brief in my answers, and a little vague. At the end of the convo she asked if I have filed my response yet to the divorce injunction. This disturbed me because I know she keeps pushing this crap on me. At that point I simply replied that my attorney is handling it, I don't know what is going to happen, and that I had to go. I think this response caught her off guard, because I was quick to get off the phone.

The lawyers are going to turn this into something nastier than it needs to be, but I have to fight it to buy myself time. Otherwise it'll be over in 2 more months tops.

I hope I'm not being too cold with her. I have to set boundaries though because almost everytime we talk she brings up something to start fighting about, I want to minimize & avoid bickering.

I was just so surprised to see emotion from her this weekend. She has been icy cold for over a month, she cried 3 times on Sunday. Maybe I'm over thinking it, I don't know.

I'm really lonely though, I miss my W and best friend. I know I have to do this. It's hard not knowing the outcome, but it looks pretty likely the D is going to happen. She has surrounded herself with a bunch of enablers and supporters. No one that is ?'ng her decision.

Any advice?