Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

Hi SLH,

You're right, and I also feel he's taking notes on my new self. I think he likes the confidence that's creeping through. He's not completely back though, maybe not even a 1/4 of the way yet. He's testing both of us out, I feel. He's testing me out, letting me know we have a fighting chance if things continue as good as they have for the past couple of months. He's also guarding his heart at the same time b/c he's sure I'm going to backslide and let us both down.

In the past when I had gone back to my old ways, in my mind my M was secure, I took it for granted, and figured he'd never leave me, and then I would slip back to my old ways. I now know he's serious, and if I don't improve the things I need to improve then he really is going to leave.

I read SmartCookie's post about the pain she had, and how she was menatlly giving her H other tries, and trying to remain in her M... Everything she said in her post is everything he has said to me in one way or another, but I would make it nearly impossible for him. No one deserves to be in pain in a M.

I don't worry about his brother, it just made me feel a lil' insecure when they're alone, in another country, running around. When the cat was let out of the bag last wk about his brother's affair, my H was caught off guard too, he really had no idea, until the SIL opened her mouth. His brother really didn't share that info with him, but we both agreed, it's their business and we really don't care to be involved.

Anyway, he never did call back last night, but I didn't expect him to, the old me would have been worried when he didn't call back, I would have been angry that he didn't call. But I went to sleep, I figured he had a good night, probably was a lil' buzzed, and went home to go to bed, he doesn't have to check in with me, although it would have been nice to let me know he got back safely, since like I said it's a dangerous part of town. But I'm sure it's another "Old me vs New me" test. "Will she call to herrass me for not calling her, will she call to say she was woried, will she call and accuse me of being with another woman and that's why I couldn't call her".....

Well the "new me" won. I did not call. I went nighty night, after talking to AJM till like midnight LOL.

Did you start a Solution Journal on here?