SO I have read the No More Mr Nice guy book. It made a lot of sense. I have things to work on for my future relationships.
Still I wish I could understand why my X did the things she did. I think it has to do with her father splitting at age 2 and her mom dying at 11. Its like she wants the bad guy knowing full well hes not staying around and the nice guy that does stay she abuses or punishes for her father leaving. ANyway, we had another long talk the other night.She was hurting and needed to talk about the OM. I guess she ran into her OM and family in the store. She had not seen himn in 2 weeks since he went to the hospital. They had had a couple text msgs that left more questions then answers. He looked at her while standing next to his wife and quickly turned away. She thinks there affair seems to be at the end since he was in the hospital for the last week and surrounded by his wife and kids. We sat and talked about her feelings for him. She cant even say she would want to be with him if he left her. She says its been the loneliest relationship. She told me how it started a month after she moved out in 07. She also admitted to sleeping with another co worker while we had been "reconciled" for the 5 months before she left again. She also made out with her boss too. I didnt blow up or anything. I said ouch that does hurt but it doesnt matter anymore. She said she doesnt know why she is telling me all this stuff. I figure it would add to her toxic shame (book idea) so I tried to keep the talk positive and tell her she does deserve better then that and she should get some counseling. She cried that she keeps destroying everything good in her life. Then she got scared that I would tell her secrets to our daughter. I said no, I cant hurt her like that. Im her dad. The thing is since reading the book I knew when I was starting to manipulate for my own approval or needs so I didnt.(I also shared that I was reading the book.) I told her what I thought was wrong and that I didnt approve of it. I made a hard line about this OM never being within a mile of my D. THat she will not be part of his little fantasy. Then I asked her to stop this behavior because when it does blow up our D will find out and be hurt beyond belief. She will see her mother as an eternal liar and plant a deep emotional issues in herself. Who knows how it will affect her life later on. I really just tried to be a real friend and not expect anything from my X. I cant ever go back because of the images in my head of other men and the lies. Thats what sucks and it makes me cry. If she only knew how much she was loved. Oh well So I told her I love her very much but I have to let her go from my heart. I know she has long ago and probably doesnt care but I needed to say it. So I got up to go to bed and she gave me a hard hug goodnight and went to our D's room to bed. This monday she moves back out to the new apartment and this temporary stay will be over. I have to say as much as it hurts having her around. I will miss her. I did one more dumb thing and gave her 800 bucks for the deposit on the apartment but I am justifying it as helping my daughter instead. If I didnt my X would end up leaving to S.C. to live with her sis and it would scare my daughter. I dont want her to have more toxic things in her life from her messed up parents. So that my story. Still hurting and trying to push it down and be better man.
