I wasn't thinking in terms of stopping the A. That's not going to happen. I was thinking more in terms of my recovering some face -- tee-hee, isn't it fun to sneak around behind H's back?
As far as "face-saving," I think you'll find that it would BACKFIRE (seen as WEAK instead of as STRONG). I think you should NOT ever confront OW/OM, but you never TELL the wayward spouse that you're not going to. You keep them guessing.
In my sitch, it was intriguing (and actually kinda fun) to actually HEAR these dynamics played out on the audio recordings I had of my wife and OM. I dominated their conversations. "What is H up to? What's he thinking? What's he planning? How did he know that (when I'd catch her in a lie, and wouldn't reveal any of my intel)? What's his next move? Why ain't he getting it?" Etc., etc., etc. The plan was -- by aggressively confronting wife and exposing their affair, to take the romance and intrigue out of it, and have their get-togethers dominated by anything BUT romance and loving talk.
My favorite encounter with OM (and I got this idea from NOP on the old SSM board) was one day at the gym. He worked the front counter there, where my wife was a trainer. I would work out there 4-5x/week, and while it was uncomfortable (most everyone that worked there -- and even some of the members -- knew about their affair), I was determined NOT to let them control MY life, and so I wasn't going to drive to the further gym location.
Anyway, I walk in one day and there is OM, behind the counter, in all his acne'd glory. He looks right at me and instead of diverting my gaze, I looked dead straight at him, walked CLOSER to him (never breaking eye contact), and right when he thought I was probably going to say something to him (I was maybe 8-10 feet away at this point, never stopping) . . .
I winked.
And just kept going.
Now THAT'S a guy who was left wondering just WHAT the hell my next move was!!! hahahahahah
