SP, I feel your pain with the roller coaster ride. Keep your chin up, you're doing better than I am it seems like. You are in my prayers. Do something fun for yourself today around the house that the wife will see you doing--doesn't matter what it is, just do it and enjoy it. I watched American Beauty the other night for a bit and loved the part where the husband buys a new car and remote control car and runs it into the wife when she comes home and laughs in her face basically about the purchase he made--inspirational!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
My view on confronting the OP is NOT to confront the OP; most likely your W will not appreciate it and it will give the two of them a reason to unite against you. However, if the OP is M; I'm all for exposing to the OP spouse.
A new and open question, perhaps for cross-posting to the infidelity threads (though not as much traffic over there):
What are the community's views on the subject of confronting the OP? Not in a violent way, of course (pity, that), but letting OP know that you know?
DON'T DO IT. It only elevates him in importance, and you'll find that the two of them will have a good laugh at your expense. Paradoxically, it makes you look weak.
You can't believe anything he would say to you anyway, so why send Chamberlain to Munich?
My view on confronting the OP is NOT to confront the OP; most likely your W will not appreciate it and it will give the two of them a reason to unite against you. However, if the OP is M; I'm all for exposing to the OP spouse.
I agree (although whether or not your wife "appreciates it" would never enter my decision-making equation).
I agree (although whether or not your wife "appreciates it" would never enter my decision-making equation).
Puppy
LOL... Probably an incorrect word for the context. I certainly didn't mean to convey that I EVEN cared what she thought; only that it would make it more difficult to stop the A.
I wasn't thinking in terms of stopping the A. That's not going to happen. I was thinking more in terms of my recovering some face -- tee-hee, isn't it fun to sneak around behind H's back?
I wasn't thinking in terms of stopping the A. That's not going to happen. I was thinking more in terms of my recovering some face -- tee-hee, isn't it fun to sneak around behind H's back?
Successful DB'ing is NOT about saving face; it's about making yourself better and becoming the better option.
I wasn't thinking in terms of stopping the A. That's not going to happen. I was thinking more in terms of my recovering some face -- tee-hee, isn't it fun to sneak around behind H's back?
As far as "face-saving," I think you'll find that it would BACKFIRE (seen as WEAK instead of as STRONG). I think you should NOT ever confront OW/OM, but you never TELL the wayward spouse that you're not going to. You keep them guessing.
In my sitch, it was intriguing (and actually kinda fun) to actually HEAR these dynamics played out on the audio recordings I had of my wife and OM. I dominated their conversations. "What is H up to? What's he thinking? What's he planning? How did he know that (when I'd catch her in a lie, and wouldn't reveal any of my intel)? What's his next move? Why ain't he getting it?" Etc., etc., etc. The plan was -- by aggressively confronting wife and exposing their affair, to take the romance and intrigue out of it, and have their get-togethers dominated by anything BUT romance and loving talk.
My favorite encounter with OM (and I got this idea from NOP on the old SSM board) was one day at the gym. He worked the front counter there, where my wife was a trainer. I would work out there 4-5x/week, and while it was uncomfortable (most everyone that worked there -- and even some of the members -- knew about their affair), I was determined NOT to let them control MY life, and so I wasn't going to drive to the further gym location.
Anyway, I walk in one day and there is OM, behind the counter, in all his acne'd glory. He looks right at me and instead of diverting my gaze, I looked dead straight at him, walked CLOSER to him (never breaking eye contact), and right when he thought I was probably going to say something to him (I was maybe 8-10 feet away at this point, never stopping) . . .
I winked.
And just kept going.
Now THAT'S a guy who was left wondering just WHAT the hell my next move was!!! hahahahahah
LOL... Probably an incorrect word for the context. I certainly didn't mean to convey that I EVEN cared what she thought; only that it would make it more difficult to stop the A.