I don't feel like a warrior, right now, I feel like I let my kids down.... but honestly, I know I couldn't stay ahead of my ex's lies, he's gone so far to make me out to be the bad person. He once took a perfectly normal situation and turned it into abuse...
My S, before he went to California, was in a bad mood, needed to fight, and as usual, came looking for me to off load this tension. He was the typical 16 year old kid at the time... we had just moved off the farm, and into that last house. We were all miserable about loosing our farm... he needed to vent his emotions.
I asked him something insane, (I don't remember the precursor) like to bring me his dirty laundry or to clean his room. He being a teen ignored me, so I asked, probably told him again... he called me the "B" word, so I told him to go to his room and stay there until he could speak to me with more respect and/or apologize for using that term. This happened before dinner, so he missed out on dinner, for he didn't feel he could either apologize or speak to me with a bit more respect.
By the time Dick brought this instance to court... yes, he brought it to court... I was withholding food from the children,told them they weren't allowed to eat the food I had in the house, that it was MY food, and they weren't allowed to touch it. This is how he was awarded the right to take S to California with him.
Me, I knew that I didn't speak poorly about the ex to the children, didn't blame him for our need to move off the farm, didn't bad mouth the guy or say what I felt about him in front of the kids... S hating the house in town, distraught about loosing our home, tired of being poor, thought life would be better with Dad, and wanted to move out there. I didn't want him to move to California, knew it was going to be a mistake, but because my S thought that was what he wanted, I conceded, allowing S to go, without fighting the garbage Dick was spewing to the court. I assumed that when S wanted back to KS, the court would move him quickly back, mainly because S was 16, old enough to be heard in the court.
Well, I made the choice, I should have battled the accusations Dick was making at the time, but truthfully, I don't think the court would have listened in the first place, but I should have done things differently. I didn't know at the time it would take nearly 6 months of court in order to get S back with me. That was October 2007, S came back June 15th for a two week visit, we jumped through all the hoops, did all the counseling sessions within those two weeks, and by July 1, S was in my residential custody again.
In October 2008, Dick once again reared his ugly head, alleging neglect and abuse, this time coming after both children. When I looked back, I realized I have been in court EVERY October since 2003. He claimed I kept a dirty house, the kids clothes smelled, their grades were falling, they had excessive absenteeism, and again, I was withholding food, and now D was loosing too much weight. He joined ranks with my former landlady who wouldn't make any repairs, who claimed everything in the house worked... there was no heat, the hot water was always going out, the house had been falling into the basement for the past 16 years, her daughter left the pipes open, then had the water turned on, flooding the entire house... when the landlady lived there, she had so many dogs and cats, she couldn't take care of them, and these animals did their thing in the house... while she was doing drugs and doing a lot of men to get the money for more drugs. She now lived in a house her parents bought in the city, her parents wanted the down payment money they used back, which was $10,000... or they were going to kick her out of the house she lived in... She was now living with her grandsons because her daughter was in jail for drug possession and grand larceny. The two of them teamed up, created this new plan, she had me evicted for non-payment, which I did withhold my rent for 3 months or $900, because I had receipts for $1200 of repairs to make the house livable, i.e. hot water, sewer problems, it was backing up into the basement, pipe problems, heating problems... Once I was evicted, she did win in court, because I couldn't produce the letter I sent to her regarding the reason why I was not sending rent to her and for how long, the reason why... but the Judge said I only owed her $100... and needed to move out.
She was pissed... she called Dick, who said he'd be here in 6 weeks, make a mess of the house and we will both take her to court at the same time.... which they did. Only having enough money for 1 case, I chose the custody case, not knowing she'd make a complete mess out of her house, claiming I destroyed her home, then had Dick inspect the house a full 6 weeks after I moved out. The two of them worked together on both cases, one statement worse than the last... and wouldn't you know it, but when it came time for the custody hearing, my attorney had a death in her family, (or so I was told, but then later heard she was on vacation) so therefore, I was forced into a hearing without any representation. This was not good for the home team!
Anyway that was last October/November... my residential custody was taken from me, although I still have joint custody, I was given 2 hours, twice a week to visit the kids, and was told I needed to have my next home inspected before the kids could have an over night. Well, the only game in town was this old farm house, and it was in poor shape.... not only that but my new landlords are in their late 80s, needing the income from the rent, but really can't physically do the upkeep on this old house. The previous renters left this place a mess. There were old clothes, tons of old clothes left behind, along with some old furniture, and most worrisome, food... so the landlord did remove most of the clothing and furniture, but for rest of the clean up, it was up to me.
When I was first evicted, there was no place for us to go, even though I asked everybody and anybody if they knew of a place we could rent... there was nothing, I not only looked in this state, but Oklahoma as well.... all the surrounding towns in a 30 miles radius, and there was nothing available for rent. So the kids and I went to the hotel associated with the place I work, and took a room there for the month of October, and the last week of October I found the advertisement for this place. I wrote the check that day, knowing I had my work cut out for me. It took the landlord nearly two weeks to get the water on, the old pump wouldn't hold a prime, so the well water wouldn't make it to the house. By the time the water was ready, my kids were living with the two separate families, under Dick's residential custody. Proof he really didn't want them, cause he left them behind... he also made sure he got a zero child support order before he left. No, he's not paying the families to keep his children, they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts... he said he'd send the kids spending money, which has totalled $500 since last November... a total of $100/month per child.. it isn't enough to cover clothing, personal items, as in tooth paste or deodorant, Dr. appointments, lunch money or any other school costs... although I've been giving the kids about $300/kid/month, to help with their needs and expenses. Mind you, I don't make but $1500/month... the rest of the money goes for rent, utilities, and my expenses here, along with taking the kids out to dinner twice a week... cause with them living 20 miles apart, there's not a whole we can do in the 2 hours we have, as a matter fact, I spend most of the time driving.
The other funny thing, was 4 days before Dick's emergency hearing, I finally got the child support order raised to the amount for two kids... oh sure, he gets $2000 a month reduction of his monthly income for visiting expenses he has for seeing the children (cough, cough) plus he deducts the costs for medical insurance and the bills he has never paid... so for his $12,500 month gross income, he was going to pay $1180/month child support, instead of the $480/month he was paying the year before. The new amount was going to be retroactive to July 1, so he was supposed to pay not only the increased amount of support, but also the $3,500 in back support... well, Dick would never allow me to have that kind of money all at once... even when we were married... and in one quick swoop, an emergency hearing, and voila, no more child support AND he takes the kids away from me. Heck he always called it "his money" saying that is was the kids money and not for using for rent or food... he even tried to control how I spent that money too... jerk!
My old attorney refused to chase after the back child support, she also told me Dick would have to pay the families the amount of support ordered, along with paying the amount of $400/month (total, or $200/child) that I was going to be ordered to pay. Instead of paying me the back child support, Dick would pay my support for me, until the money ran out, and then I would have to pick up the payments... I thought okay, as long as the children get the money..... well, Dick outwitted them all, and went for the zero child support order, and now pays $200/month for both kids, when he wants to, saying the children don't need any more money for spending.
So here, I sit, about to go over my house again for the third time in two days, cleaning out every nook and cranny... for when I began cleaning this house(before I moved in) the mice and roaches were everywhere, I wouldn't move in, couldn't, until I knew the roaches were gone.... they creep me out, yuck! Now, there are no creepy things, hasn't been since the second bombing.. Now it smells of bleach water and cleaning products... new paint, new heater, new carpet... even some new furniture... hopefully the court services people will see the real me and the kind of home I do provide for my children.
My appointment is at 1:00pm tomorrow, think positive thoughts, a prayer or two wouldn't hurt either... My children are desperate to come home, and I need them with me more than the air I breath. They have and always will be my universe, my reason for living.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
