Are people ever worried that in trying to detach, they get to a place where you are really, really detached. A place where you let yourself get over the other person, maybe because it's easier on yourself emotionally? I have to admit, that is one of my fears and something that I think I would regret one day.
Yes, LBS are terrified of detaching b/c they are either afraid of losing their S or they are afraid of what you just expressed. It has happened both ways, but I still say that pulling back (detaching) is the way to do it. As an AWAW, I can tell both of you men (all of the men) that the more you press your wife to go anywhere for M help.......and they are involved in an EA or PA, they will not want to do it and it will make matters worse. I know you feel desperate and I am sure this is showing to the wife. The more you try to convince her to go, the more she will resent you and I could see myself when you were describing your wife not like the way you talk and finding everything wrong with you that she could. That is what WAW's do. They get to a place that they can't stand their H's b/c they are so turned off to him and want to escape being anywhere around him. That is why she says the mean things she does. Plus, she is trying to find excuses for ending the M.
If you are so afraid that your detaching will end your feelings for her......well, that makes me wonder if your love is that strong. But, I do not say that in a mean way, just wondering why you were be so afraid of it. If you do not "feel" anything, then would it not be a lot easier for you? Yes, time and distance do make a difference and that is a good thing when people are getting over a break-up, but if detaching is going to change your feeling for "her".......then you just need to drop the rope and get a life. Stop trying to control her and pressure her to go to meetings, etc. Leave her alone and see what happens. B/c I can promise you that it will continue to be a flip-flop on every subject or issue that comes along until she is over the A.
You may see this as not "fighting" for your M, but it is.......it is just in a different way.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
