I am sorry to be so quiet. I am truly trying to come to grips with the fact that my marriage, is and needs to be over.
I am working on me and really trying to see and accept my role in this. I have been struggling with #4 in Al-anon.
Quote:
Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Note it does not say make an inventory and then justify why you had to do what you did and figure out how to punish the other person while you're at it. That has been my struggle.
I don't know what God has in store for me, but I am determined to get through this with His help and be a better (whole) person on the other side.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
To make a long story short bfh called me at 1:30 this morning yelling at me that I was making her life miserable WTH????? Mind you I was sound asleep and it took me quite a while to even figure out the noise I was hearing was coming from the phone, then it took me several more seconds to understand who the voice was on the other end of the phone screaming at me.
Seems her H got a hold of her phone and confronted her about txts between her and my H.
None of it matters... I refuse to be drawn back into the drama. I know there is no repairing my marriage. My H has probably been lying to me all along. Although he still refuses to admit to anything that he does not know I know already.
The kicker in all this is that he has been so sweet and "husband like" lately. Just making sure he gets through this school I guess. School is done on this coming Thursday btw. I am a fool, no I take that back... I have been acting like a fool, choosing to believe him, but no more.
Oh and wait it gets better... next weekend he will be gone for 5 days on his annual fishing trip AND I just found out in the last hour that the last weekend he will be here (before he reports to his new duty station) there is a big going away party planned for him (by none other than bfh) at a camp ground (a couple of hours away). Yes folks you read that right, he is planning to spend his last available weekend with bfh and his buddies from work rather than his kids.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Thanks Mat. I am doing pretty good. Even lost 4 pounds yesterday!
I refused to answeer any of his calls but one last night and then I just said I have nothing to say to you and I have no desire to hear anything you have to say. Unless you want to discuss something about the boys, then I will be happy to talk to you.
I think I finally got to the place that I am unwilling to accept anymore. I feel I have swallowed enough $hit!!!!
I have no animosity... I have no burning desire to take any action... I do not want to punish anyone. I am just done and it feels okay.
I saw my C last night and she is keeping both my normally scheduled appts also. (have I said lately that I love her!!!)
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Hey NNP, glad you found that cat and got your toungue back!
I was wondering where your H was when bfh (why don't you call her ow?) called? What was his reaction to her call?
I think you're still hoping and expecting your H to act like an H. IMO he can't, from what you've said he's chronic and can't change unless he is willing and gets help. Is he still seeing a C? It's like forcing someone to lose weight or stop drinking. You can't make them.
What is YOUR plan for H's last weekend before he leaves? What is YOUR plan after H is relocated? What is YOUR plan after June 1 and your benefits are gauranteed? (((NNP)))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
