Stress, WAW and life in general II

[2gthrButApart]

Hi AJ,

We both heard the same words from our spouses at the same time. My H dropped the bomb 10/08 as well. He was saying the exact same thing about having to leave. Needing to be able to "do him". He said he was def leaving. Then he said he wasn't sure if he was leaving. The last time I asked was 12/08 b/c he had said he was leaving after the holidays... we were getting along great for about 2 wks, and dummy me asked him if he was still leaving, he said he didn't know but that even if he stayed it was b/c of our girls not me, our M was definitely over. I said yes but I've been changing (this was before I read DR) he said do you think you changing for 2 wks makes it all better, do you realize how long I've been in pain? That broke my heart.

I began looking for anything I can get my hands on to fix my M. Everything I read, in one way or another, said to back off. Stop asking questions, stop pursuing. As much as it hurt, I did.

In Jan he brought up the D again, and how he's sick of "this crap" and how he can't wait to leave. The old me prior to DBing, would have cried and pleaded, as I've been doing for the months of Oct, Nov and Dec. But this time I said you're right. And gave him some info I printed off, on D, and everything you have to do along with it. He told me this doesn't say anything about how much it costs, I said don't worry about that we'll figure it out. And I left it at that. That was Jan 15th. He hasn't brought up the D, or the idea of leaving since.

I told him, that day, that he's right he does need space, he needs to get away. I took the blame as I've read to do, just b/c their head is out of whack.
I have stopped bringing up the idea of him leaving, stopped asking him if and when he is, and we are now in april and he's still here. Things are friendlier, and we have begun to ML more frequently also. Before Jan, if we ML he'd say how we shouldn't have done that b/c its leading me on, and if im not good enough to be M to then I shouldntbe good enough to ML to. It hurt like hell to hear that, but I sucked it up.

I told him don't worry about it its not leading me on. I said we are 2 adults, who happened to have had the same needs in the same place at the same time.

Ever since that night he hasn't said it anymore, and it no longer feels like sex, its more like a bonding. The way we set M DB goals, I set ML goals in my head if he touches me like this, or kisses me like this then I know im getting somewhere with him. Every time I reach one of those goals I about explode inside b/c I know we are getting close to where we were.

Keep up w/ the ML. Its a bonding.
Don't bring up any talk of her leaving. Worry about today, not if she's leaving tomorrw. It can drive you insane.
Do you still wear your wedding band? The very 1st day I put mine back on at the end of Feb, my H gave me a kis on the lips that evening, I think he noticed.

I saw a note he wrote to himself, but I can't rememeber when he wrote it.. It said he has been waiting for an answer and he got one last night, he said thank you. Said now he has a lot of work to do, and that he was always in pain inside and out.

I'm trying my hardest to figure out if this note surfaced after I put my ring back on, and wonder if that was the "sign" he received. Maybe they need to feel we are worth fighting for, but don't want to hear it.

Keep up your DBing. She's following my H's track, and I read on here today that the women get it slower. So maybe she's a couple of mths behind him. Be extra gentle.

Read smartcookies thread.

All the Best

2GBA