Your H has to deal with his brother and his own feelings. My instinct tells me that he'll do well to have to relive the feelings with brother because he'll have to see his own actions objectively. He knows that his brother would not be even considering the things he's considering if not for the other woman. That's not how he works. The H feels that he's different. The older, more responsible brother. Deep down perhaps.
Over the top? I think it depends on if you have expectations. Do you? If so, back off. If not, then use your best judgement. You have doubt I can see and you may want to tone it down a little if you think it would be overwhelming. I don't have enough information to know if it would overwhelm him or not. I think it shows you care.
That's what I've learned in all of this. No matter what happens with current wife I learned that my instincts for treating people well are solid. Books reinforce that thinking. The way to build trust and confidence is the same in any R. It's the little things that subconciously show you care and can be trusted. Look for those opportunities and spread them out.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
