I am working today, i took some time off to recoup and just enjoy some time with friends and my favorite little people (my babies). it was really good.
Thanks for all the responses...
Dom - HEY!! you found me again. Lucky Me!! (and i really mean that) We did 2 sessions of MC. I let H pick the C, so there couldn't be any complaints. He decided that it was a waste of time because basically the guy said that it's going to take a lot of time, not to mention hard work and there are no guarantees. DUH!!! anyways. he also said that while he would make every effort to help us save our marriage it is not a healthy environment as is it is now and we need to make changes. I went and have seen him an additional 2 times since, H has refused to come. i say "Fine". He is making his choice and i am making mine. I can't say that if he did counseling my feelings would change, but he is not even willing to give it a chance.
I'm done worrying about what he will and will not do. I've done that for too long. Whatever feelings i had for him at one point are completely gone anyways and i feel better for it. I sincerely appreciate all the help/advice you've given me. If anything, i'll be a better GF/W for it in the future for someone who will appreciate it!
SC - Thanks! i've read your threads so much. I was inspired by your strength and patience. Your heart and the ways you've tried to encourage others. As much as i'm not happy that your sitch has gotten to this place, i'm happy to see you here and happy. Marriage doesn't have to be like that. It just doesn't. I was reading your thread and saw about the bank stuff and just laughed. my H is checking our accounts multiple times a day and questioning every purchase... Really, like $4 at the gas station is me trying to slowly get his money (1/2 of which is mine) i just laugh now. He can stress about what he wants...
T - long time no talk. Thank you for stopping by, it will take some time for me to catch up, but I'll be around! The girls are absolutely fantastic. They have gotten so big so fast and the baby is learning so much from her big sisters. I'm consistently amazed at the lessons i can learn from such tiny little people. I have been sooooo blessed by them. How are things in your neck of the woods?
Kassie - Thanks! I don't think the arguing stops until one person stops arguing back... then it's just person yelling at the other. at some point, the yelling stops or you walk away.
Basically, i haven't felt anything for my husband in a few years. i take that back, lots of negative things, like hatred and disgust, but nothing positive like love or respect. There was a long time where i chose to love him. i wasn't in love, but i chose to love him and treat him lovingly and be the things a wife is supposed to be. I tried being firm with him, telling him what i needed and telling him when i didn't get it. I tried being gentle with him and understanding as i know he was going through a hard time... now, i'm just done. I am happy when i'm not around him. I play with my girls, i work hard and i take a couple nights a month for "Ann Time". He is living in this little world of negativity. If at some point, he decides to step out of that and join me, i'd be willing to consider that, but right now. I'm detached, i'm happy and i'll be ok. It doesn't always feel like that, but today it does!!
Today, all is well in my little world. Life is still crazy and i'm sure it will continue to be that way, but i'm handling it better, i'm not stressed about it. For once, i'm not letting the things he does or say hurt me and that's working for me.
on a side note: my birthday is in a month. I'm not sure what i'm going to do, but it will be a celebration. Normally, every year it gets overlooked because something else is always more important. Not this year, but i'm not sure what to do.
THANK YOU ALL!!!
take care ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
