Thanks for everything, everyone. All very good words and thoughts.
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro," said the man, and oh how right he was.
A number of random and out-of-order responses:
1. Snide and snippy. She has actually said she wishes I were more snide and snippy and angry -- she dares me to do it. Personally I think that's because she's looking for a push, but...
2. 5LLs. Yes -- clearly hers is Quality Time, followed a perhaps medium-distance next by Words of Affirmation. During the marriage -- at least during the years since I came back from the war -- I've been performing Acts of Service, which is how I have understood love to be shown (as it was never shown by my father to my mother, whose language it was).
For my part, Physical Touch far outranks the nearest competitor, which was Words of Affirmation, by 2:1. (Thus my frustration at the lack of a sex life.)
3. OM. I have confronted and been told it's none of my business, it's nothing, just a friend, none of my business, has nothing to do w/ current sitch, none of my business, just a flirtation, none of my business and oh by the way it's none of my business and we're not going to discuss it anymore and if I want to push her out the door RIGHT NOW I'll bring it up again.
4. Hurting my feelings. Yes, yes she's doing a very fine job of that. But as I told my good friend -- a good and devout Christian man who cheerfully puts up with (with the patience of Job one might say) my Heathen ways -- I am prepared to take the hurt until the hurting is done, whichever way it goes.
5. Snakes on the brain.
Anger -- working it hard and making great progress. Stuck in traffic 35 minutes to move 2 miles -- listened to the radio, sang along in my tone-deaf way, didn't bother me a whit, whereas 6 months ago I would have been exploding.
Social-ness (for lack of a better word) (or making the effort to engage other people in social situations, one of my particular fears -- common among us, er, spies) -- since starting DB on or about 2/27 have had 7 lunches, 2 movies, a BBQ, a pub crawl, 2 tennis games, started volunteering, and started new sports lessons in a class full of strangers.
Impatience with children -- working with C and S9's C to develop new parenting portfolio. The more frustrated I get with child, the lower my voice gets.
Poor Listening -- complete 180. No interruptions. No "fixing" W's problems. Hearing and validating, undivided attention.
Since this is long, I will continue the weirdness in a follow-on.
