Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

In my opinion: create a "safe: environment and don't get riled up at the mood swings. Recognize that he's got frayed emotions and needs you to tread lightly. The calmer you are the better. Work on you. Be open and honest, but be calm.

Ok, this is exactly what I've been doing since Jan. That's why when he had his last really big backlash I just said "ok" when the D was brought up again.

I've been extremely careful. I know he's very sensitive now. During the bomb, he said things to me that hurt b/c I realized Wow, I did say/do those things to him, and months later they're still hurting him. I felt like such an evil person. I don't want to hurt anyone I love in such a way.

Lately, for the past 3 months, I've been calm, acting happy, joking, flirting a little. My D8, gave me her Twilight book to read while I take the subway to and from work, (cute), and you know what, there's a lesson to be learned from the book. I want to get to know my H again. I remember those "moments" when we were dating where things were so new, and I was curious to get to know things about him, he was curious about me too. The curiosity is now gone. We Know too much about each other, there's no more mystery. I want to create that mystery again, I want to show that interest in him again. B/c after all when some men cheat it isn't b/c of how the new girl looks, it's about how she made him feel. I don't want that to happen, I want him to know exactly how interested I am in him, his opinions, his hobbies.

I want butterflies in my stomach again when he touches me. I want to "take in" each kiss, each touch, each smell. I want to totally renew my relationship with him. Even if we are not in reconciliation mode, I want to treat him like I did when nothing else mattered to me. When we first met we were teenagers, we had no responsibilities, nothing mattered, when I was with him i was with him, now as an adult I can tend to drift off, when we are together my mind can still wander, laundry, kids, chores, errands, bills, work, thinking of the next thing I want to say instead of truly listening. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be with my H. I want to be spontaneous, have fun.

When we are together I want him to know and feel that nothing and no one else in the room, in the world matters to me. I will show him this from now on. I will not give up on my M or my H.

I will accomplish my goals and become the woman I want to be so that I can give my M the love and affection it deserves. When i feel good and confident to be in my skin, I will radiate all of that love to all those around me. I will prove to myself and my H that I will accomplish all that I said I would. I will make home a comfortable place for him to be. I will be the wife, the mother, the woman that anyone would love to have.

The girls will have Easter break 4/9-4/20. They will be going to spend it with my mom in another state, we will spend Easter wknd with them over there, then we will have a wk at home alone. I want to have fun with him, be lighthearted, cute, sexy, friendly, inviting, I want to make the week mean something. Not just 2 adults sharing the same space when we arrive from work. I want to be the person he misses because she's so cool to be around, so easy to talk to , so easy going. I will be that person.