Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

I appreciate all the feedback. I have read divorce remedy and divorce busting several times and have talked with a DB counselor twice. I think I understand the distancing and doin a 180 technique and in fact a 180 for me is distancing which I started doing yesterday.
I will say that it hasn't been smooth sailing getting here for several reasons: my husband lives in an apartment but comes to our home to work out of his office so I was seeing him most weekdays since he left; when my husband first left and I discovered his EA had turned into a PA, his remorse and nervous breakdown had me working to save my marriage with traditional methods(I had not yet discovered what a MLC was, nor identified that he might be going through a MLC).
I am doing my best to GAL and separate/distance. I was successful for most of the last two weeks avoiding any talk of the R/A or OW, except when I discovered my H had restarted the A (3/21) and we discussed it for 30 minutes on 3/23. I have been overfocused on the OW. But as 25MLC says, it IS infuriating.
One more point to address: I have taken responsibility for my part in our marriage disintegrating. I have taken more responsibility than my H at this point, because he doesn't want to discuss it-so I don't know what insight he has, if any.

1)I was sleep-walking a bit through the last few years since my father passed away.
2)I thought I was appreciating my H, but he didn't feel appreciated.
3)We both avoided conflict, which lead to poor communication..
4)I wasn't being as physically active/sexually active as my H would have liked(nice twist now-my H rarely works out and I do all the time).
5)I vegged out in front of the TV at night instead of engaging my H(Now he watches TV too much at his apartment, and I read books and write on my thread)...
6) I mothered him and overfunctioned for him-and that seems to me to be where the most dysfunction in our relationship occurred-I have stopped and he is now functioning more on his own.

So there have been acknowledgements and definitely alot of work on my end. But as you know the complaints, when satisfied are never enough... h is conflicted and I know he has to work through this on his own. I am distant now and coming up with my own boundaries and trying to work through my anger and sadness while on my own, to move forward.
Thanks!