I'm Not a Doctor, But I Play One on DB

[Coach]

Yes indeed, it took years of deterioration of the marriage. Yes indeed, and I was instrumental in that.

I am clearly imperfect. I have admitted my imperfections in my earlier thread multiple times, and to WAW more times than I can count.

I have validated her feelings, I have agreed with her assessment of our situation,

So if you agree and have validated her feelings then you have some of your own issues to work on. I call them my "snakes on a brain." What worked on my killing the snakes was getting them in the open. This is the area where you "do something different" and try "180s."

I have looked the other way with the OM

Is that really a healthy response? Could she really maybe want her H to stand up and fight for her?

I have never once blamed her for this situation nor denied that she had every right to feel the way she feels nor called her a name. She has yelled and raged and even thrown things at me (once) since dropping the bomb, and I have stood my ground and taken it. She even tried, in a fit of rage, to change all my computer password, online and on hardware, to No1A**hole.

Anger is good coming from a woman. Took me a while to believe this. She is still interested. Numb is bad, angry is good.

My doctor -- since doctors actually can't heal themselves -- is giving me a battery of tests to see if I have cancer. I have not laid that burden at WAW's feet, nor do I intend to.

SP, first we will pray for you. Your stress level must be off the charts so care for yourself and use your support network.
I have a question also, didn't you just read the 5LLs? If so what are your W's LLs? If you don't know it's probably how she loves on you is hers and how you love on her is yours, make sense?
I would share this vital piece of news with your W. I read a definition of intimacy as intomesee . This is a opportunity to be intimate on a emotional and logical level.
Another analogy for you that helped me: Picture your life as having different rooms - career, father, son, husband, your hobbies, health, spiritual life, feelings...... Your W wants to be invited into every one of those rooms if you shut her out she won't want to go into the room you want (champagne room ). So you must place her first. Hard to do feeling the way you do. So you must drop your anger (frustration, annoyance, jealosy, etc.) Anger will blind you, this is the voice of experience talking. So you will not be taking advantage of her, she still is your W.

E-mails left open on my computer bragging about her affair, chortling about how she "divorced" me on Facebook, pointing out that hopefully MC will make me "more reasonable" about the money.

Phone conversations, within earshot of me, laughing about her affair, secret winks and smiles between WAW and Enabling Girlfriend while in my presence.

Declarations that our 20+ year relationship comes down to money (yet we are freely spending on sexy new shoes, sexy new dresses, botox, workout routines, facials and mani-pedis conveniently scheduled to coincide with luxury boutique hotel bookings in Upstate City where OM lives).

Set some boundaries. She will respect you for it.

This WAS seems to be or at least to revel in the power she has over me.

Power you keep giving her. You get the power when you start taking care of yourself. Tell us the things you are doing for yourself. Boundary - you can't mention your W in the list.

Strength and Honor
Coach