Book on SELF improvement

[PortlandDad]

If infidelity was involved, I'll easily 2nd "Not just friends". "Getting back together" would be a great guide if they are both dedicated to working together.

[Kenn]

Thanks guys,

I have seen not just friends at the store but never looked through it. Is is something that would put the spouse who had the affair on the defensive?

[PortlandDad]

I don't think so. The book is written for all three people involved.

[Kenn]

Thanks Portland

[ppenton]

I'm going to recommend a book which is not about self-help or self-growth or relationships and is, therefore, all about self-help, self-growth, and relationships: Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations, by William Ury (NY: Bantam Books, 1993, ISBN 978-0-553-37131-4).

I was looking for this book and the bookstore didn't have it in stock, however, I did pick up The Power Of A Positive No, by William Ury (NY: Bantam Books, 2007, ISBN 978-0-553-38426-0) which I just started reading today.

[Thinker]

I just finished "Learned Optimism"

It is a great book that helps you understand optimism and can really help with PMA and / or fighting off R-related depression.

The real methodology is the ABCDE method in the back of the book, but you don't really understand it until you read the first part of the book.

[Thinker]

I can also endorse "The Shack" It can really help you work through questions about faith, spirituality, relationships with your father, etc. I found it really got me emotional.

A quick warning, however. This is written as a novel, but is really an essay on Christianity, faith, and relationships with God. If you are religious or even investigating your own beliefs, I would recommend it. If you are not interested in this topic, or are strongly atheistic or agnostic, you will probably be put off by the book.

[Thinker]

I have been enjoying "The Five Lanugages of Apology" - by the same author (of course) as "the Five Love Languages"

This book examines the way that people apologize and how they expect apologies to be delivered and why apologies often fail.

1) Expressing Regret - "I Am Sorry"
2) Accepting Responsibility - "I was wrong"
3) Making Restitution - "What can I do to make it right?"
4) Genuinely Repenting - "I'll try not to do that again"
5) Requesting Forgiveness - "Will you please forgive me?"

I am including this book in this section on self improvement books because I found that looking at how you apologize helps highlight (for yourself) the ways that you don't apologize. There is normally then a reason for why you don't do this, and drilling into that a bit helps identify your own personal weaknesses.

[Kenn]

bump

[Thinker]

I have seen a couple of men here admit that one of the R problems was a general dissatisfaction of their W with the duration of ML. I'll admit that this has become a problem in my own R in recent years, and one which I was slow to admit to and do anything about.

So in the interest of helping others, I'll recommend the book that helped me years ago, and which I am again turning to now.

It is called "How to Make Love All Night" by Barbara Keesling . It is very direct and pragmatic and presents a series of exercises that help the man in building some unused muscles and retraining some of the physical responses to stimulation. A few "exercises" for a few weeks and you'll find big changes.

(Interesting side note: my W actually gave me this book years ago. Now what was she trying to tell me...? )