Seperated But Living Together

[AJM]

I think its very normal. The doubt. The inquisition. More doubt.

As long as you doubt, you leave him in control. He's not stable. That may not be a good idea.

I think his actions say things very different from what his words say. And it is possible his brother is saying things to him. But that doesn't mean anything. His brother may have been saying things for years. So?

This is your chance to be you. To be the you that you have wanted to be but were too glued up to be. Change you. Be the change you want to see. Be the woman you want to be. Your husband is handing you a golden oppty to change you. You never wanted to be a miserable shrew did you? So stop. Be the woman you've wanted to be.

What you describe is a dance of sorts. He changes. You change. He changes. You change (set to waltz music). Get in sync. You can't pursue him, but you can let him come to you. He likely will if you give him a chance. He's shown signs of it already. Inching towards you at a "maddening" sloth-like pace. That's positive momentum. Don't get in the way of that.

Let me ask you this: being scared. Does that seem unnatural to you now that your world has been rocked and your self-esteem laid to waste when the bomb went off? I doubt it. You're a survivor. An adapter. You'll adapt to this because it's your chance to change you. It's your wake up call. Your second chance at changing you to become the you that you want to be.

My suggestion is that you take it. He'll notice when he's ready. Not even a second before that. He'll make his own mind up by then. But you can't influence or change it other than negatively, so leave him to his own work.

Learn to dance in the rain. When he comes close, so do you. When he hugs you, hug back but with open arms. When he runs away (he's testing you when he does that i.e. "can I get a reaction?") you let him and move away as well. Dance.

Is it normal to have that fear? Yes. Emphatically yes. But that's part of his control. Part of his stress. You've put the relationship entirely in his hands and it stresses him out. Be a partner and take part of the load.

Make sense?

We're here to talk. I've been away for a few days, but always happy to talk. Feel free to ping as you get the time if it'll help. Be warned though: I can be chatty and I'm not always the person that tells you the bad news. I'm the one that believes in being honest but also in encouragement to stay the course and calm down. Let cooler heads prevail. Be the change you want to see.

AJ