Lucky, again I did not repost my original situation after being found out by WAW, so perhaps this will be repetitive.
I stated very clearly there -- and have stated very clearly to WAW in MC and out -- my responsibility for the D and my role in it, which is roughly 110% of it.
In my first sitch I acknowledge 4 specific instances in which the value of our marriage was called into question.
Yes indeed, it took years of deterioration of the marriage. Yes indeed, and I was instrumental in that.
I am clearly imperfect. I have admitted my imperfections in my earlier thread multiple times, and to WAW more times than I can count.
I have validated her feelings, I have agreed with her assessment of our situation, I have accepted her desire to divorce, I have looked the other way with the OM, I have refused to defend myself in talks with her and in MC (to the point where my IC got angry with me and told me to stop making excuses for her and stand up!).
I have not rejected a single criticism save for one -- I refused to allow her to attack my family.
I have never once blamed her for this situation nor denied that she had every right to feel the way she feels nor called her a name. She has yelled and raged and even thrown things at me (once) since dropping the bomb, and I have stood my ground and taken it. She even tried, in a fit of rage, to change all my computer password, online and on hardware, to No1A**hole.
And I have taken it.
Just this morning we had a long and agonizing telcon precipitated by her desire to have me commit to a figure in the money distribution now so that she can go look at houses this weekend.
I told her I understood her desire for financial closure, that I did not feel I could give her an informed answer at this time, but that I understand she's ready to move forward and excited about her new life and who can blame you you finally feel like you can reach your place in the sun -- and all it takes is for me to be cooperative on finances and to sign a piece of paper.
My doctor -- since doctors actually can't heal themselves -- is giving me a battery of tests to see if I have cancer. I have not laid that burden at WAW's feet, nor do I intend to. (But I should, she says, since she cares about me and we're friends.) But I say, no -- there's no place for me in her life as a man, so I'm not going to take advantage of our "friendship" by leaning on her. She said just this weekend "we're on our own" now. So be it.
All of this I have done.
And what have I, in your words an arrogant, self-important a-hole, received in return? The WAS script.
E-mails left open on my computer bragging about her affair, chortling about how she "divorced" me on Facebook, pointing out that hopefully MC will make me "more reasonable" about the money.
Phone conversations, within earshot of me, laughing about her affair, secret winks and smiles between WAW and Enabling Girlfriend while in my presence.
Declarations that our 20+ year relationship comes down to money (yet we are freely spending on sexy new shoes, sexy new dresses, botox, workout routines, facials and mani-pedis conveniently scheduled to coincide with luxury boutique hotel bookings in Upstate City where OM lives).
And when she calls, what does she ask of me? To understand her feelings? To get deeper acceptance that "this is going to happen"? To hear her sadness at the effect her leaving will have on the children?
No. She asks me to make a decision on whether I want to use mediators or lawyers and how much money I'm going to "suck out of her."
The woman I married was not cruel. This WAS seems to be or at least to revel in the power she has over me.
And if saying that makes me an arrogant, self-important a-hole, then so be it.
