Women don't suddenly fall out of love with men. It takes years of deterioration. It took TWO to LET IT get to this point.
You are disrespectful in calling her a pod person. You are lashing out and treating her as your adversary when you make judgements against her. When you first courted her and won her heart, were you treating her as an opponent or as your best friend?
She is hurting you tremendously, and you are working hard to handle this "right". As a matter of fact, you are very concerned with being right and just. That is good, to an extent. In my opinion, it probably isn't enough to be right and just. To spend too much time sitting and wondering why SHE IS DOING THIS TO YOU doesn't seem productive, even if it makes you feel a little better.
She feels justified. She feels that YOU WERE DOING WRONG TOWARD HER for a long time. She needs more than you acting "right and just", more than following a playbook. She needs you to be a passionate, loving, fun man that LOVES AND RESPECTS HER FOR ALL THAT SHE IS. Botox and all. "Other Guy" is making her feel loved and accepted. He is probably treating her like she is his best friend.
No more pod stuff. It isn't nice, and it shows that you haven't spent enough time looking at your part--WHAT YOU DID OR DIDN'T DO in your marriage--to let her hurt and ache for an extended period of time. Name calling, at this point, shows that you aren't taking accountability.
You can't possibly be perfect. What names has she called you? What accusations have you suffered from her? There is likely some monumental truth in them, just as there is some truth in your assessment of her actions as of late.
I suspect that your pride can get in the way. I suspect that you have the ability to come off as an arrogant, self-important a-hole IN YOUR UNDYING NEED TO BE RIGHT. Why else would anyone feel justified in leaving you?
Maybe this is more tough love than is necessary. You may be hurting too badly to accept this yet.
Instead of spending energy on a defensive response, please spend that energy on introspection. Please please please.
You seem to be a wonderful man, witty, fun, intelligent. You also seem to react like Teflon when people point out where you are weak. We aren't here to make you feel worse. We are here to help you rise above and be a better man for the rest of your life.
Loving detachment requires that YOU LOVE HER AND TREAT HER WITH LOVE. You don't treat someone you love as the enemy. You don't call them names.
