I do wish you good success in this new effort of yours. It is by NO means easy, but it IS, nevertheless, at least fairly SIMPLE:
- No R talk. - No initiated contact. - Business/kids (where applicable) logistics only. - Don't be reactive (don't "jump into the pit") with them. - When you DO have contact, remain upbeat, positive, and project that you're BUSY with GAL stuff. Be friend-LY, but not their best friend. Be civil, courteous.
One thing I found helpful in my sitch, whenever my wife would try to drag me into the pit with her with yet another "WE NEED TO TALK!" threats, was to say something like:
"(Wife), there's really only three things to talk about. One is the kids, and of course I'll talk to you about them. The second is our relationship, and as long as you're having an affair, there IS no relationship right now, and third is anything legal or financial, and I really think that's best left handled by the lawyers."
Lather, rinse, repeat.
It's not so much that hard-core DBing takes effort (altho it certainly does); it's more than it takes a tremendous amount of discipline. Once you build these new habits (they say it takes 21 days to create a new habit and/or nix an old bad one) and they become more second-nature to you, it will get much, much easier.
