It's really hard for me to not think that I've done something wrong that caused this situation. I'm working everyday to remind myself that I've done nothing terrible enough to merit being treated this way, but OMG is it hard. Especially when he keeps telling me that he can't stand being around me. What's so terrible with me that he can't even handle being in the same room as me? That really hurts.
Last Thursday he went with me to a doctor's appointment. I was happy for the chance to be around him and show him my new outlook on life (PMA, cheerful attitude, etc.). Everything was ok at first, but then he started getting fidgety and acting weird. He said it was because he had drank two cups of coffee and a Monster. Ok, no big deal. He was practically jumping out of his skin by the time I saw the doctor. He asked me to take him right home because all of the caffine made his stomach hurt and he wanted to lay down. Well, I pull into his driveway and barely get the car in park before he opens the door and practically runs into his house. He later tells me that being with me for that long "almost killed him." What is that? How can you cause a physical reaction in someone like that? I just don't get it.
Before he was diagnosed with BPII he was always an extreme mood. If he was happy he was giddy and silly and totally hilarious. He was never just irritated or upset, he was irate and angry almost to the point of rage. He couldn't let little things with the kids go. He had to lay into them about everything. When he was sad it turned to anger almost immediately. If he was stressed, it turned into anger. But it wasn't like he was always angry. He would normally be really quiet or in a really good mood. It was just hard to determine when he would get angry. Really not fun to live with. I always would tell him that I thought he was bipolar, but he would just say that he was stressed. When he was finally diagnosed I thought it was the beginning for us to be able to treat it and deal with it. He thought otherwise. Hope that helped somewhat PortlandDad.
