Thanks, Cat, Tal, Lwb, everyone. I am thankful for all of you.
Last night proved to be very little sleep as well, but for not for tossing and turning like the previous night. I had a conversation with my youngest brother right after he talked to our other brother (K) and his wife (SIL), in a sort-of conference call, as he put it. Basically he told me that neither our brother (K) nor his wife wanted to talk to me -- they were too stressed out. They asked me via my little brother (B) to lay off until they were ready.
I can respect that.
But later last night, about 11:30, my SIL sent me an IM. And that began a long texted conversation via FB's IM function. We "talked" for nearly 3 1/2 hours via keyboard.
Basically SIL confirmed a lot of what I already knew but she filled in a lot of the details. To sum it up, they both are supposedly in mutual agreement that they are unhappy in their M. They went to C but my brother K, the typical middle child, always avoids confrontation and so he wouldn't really cooperate fully in the sessions. They have both suffered a lot of extreme stress due to family problems, jobs, raising three children, and parents (one near invalid). She feels he isn't pulling his weight, and working a full-time job is not enough excuse in her mind. She has suffered from continual bouts of depression for which he has been helpless to do anything about.
So she wants out, and he is letting her.
SIL says that she still loves K because he is a great father to their children, but she has no love left for him as a husband. How many times have we heard these words or words very similar to these?
There's more but I won't go into all of it -- mostly the stuff we all have seen before. I also know that they are suffering a Sex-starved M as well. Of course all the stress they have to endure is likely the prime cause for that.
The good news -- if one can call anything about this "good" -- is that they want to separate "amicably", with joint custody and good will between them. SIL also says she is NOT going to be anything like my STBXW, who blew off the rest of our family and took a hostile, ugly tone with everyone in my family. Furthermore, she fully intends to be there as a full member of our extended family, in all events and get-togethers, as she still loves me, our family, my brothers and her nephews (my S's) very much. She stressed she wants equal joint custody for both she and K.
As for D, she acted like that is notunlikely to happen in the future, but for now they will begin living separate households this summer, once the children get past this school year (they don't plan to tell the children -- or my mom -- until then.)
The part that bothers me -- and I refrained from making too many comments to SIL, just tried to let her have her say -- is that when STBXW and I first separated almost 2 years ago now, my SIL told me then that she and K had almost divorced back in 1995/1996, but that they had pulled themselves together and she and he were very happy she had made the effort to persist in their M.
But now she says that they made a mistake in staying together. That bothers me -- I don't like such inconsistencies. My, how fast things can change. Perhaps she was being overly positive about her own sitch back then as an effort to keep me thinking positively myself about my own situation. Then again, I wonder was it more for my sake or hers?
I feel better having talked to SIL, as I had been fearing the worst -- that one of them was having an A. And that might still be one of their ulterior motives, but I don't think so, because of the reasons SIL did give me instead. She said the primary problem between them right now is that K has gotten more and more agnostic in his beliefs while she has tried to get back to her faith. SIL has said it has always deeply disturbed her that K no longer goes to church and has gotten to the point he prefers that the children not go either.
I know this is a BIG problem for them, if so. I've tried to talk to him myself about this, but he is very stubborn and resistant -- not disrespectful, mind you, just contrary.
I told her I was really pouring on the prayers for them now. I am constantly thinking about them and continuing to ask the Lord to work wonders on their lives, for all their sakes.
