WAW/Affair Confirmed - Advice? #2

[DCBHM]

1. Do not try to figure her out. I know you think you love her, but she has made it abundantly clear she has NO respect for you. She can't because she has no respect for herself.

Yeah I have stopped trying to understand her. Trying to analyze irrational behavior and paranoid delusions was giving me a headache so I started documenting everything and researching her symptoms until I ran across several BPD sites that described her behavior to a T.

2. Do NOT expect any help or alliance with the in-laws. Your MIL response is typical. Sadly, blood is thicker than water. Stop talking to those people -- they will work to sink you.

Yeah, that was made plain over the weekend. I'm going to focus on W in court where things actually matter.

3. The OM is a POS. Once you figure that out, you slowly figure out your wife is a POS. Until OM is out of the picture, you are spinning your wheels.

I actually figured that out a long time ago. I used to hang out with him for a bit - but eventually realized that it was boring as heck because all he ever does is get plastered and listen to the same mix-cd over and over.

4. The video and audio taping is NOT worth the effort you are putting into it. Change the locks on your doors. If the law comes to your place because she called them, you will get a ride to the crow-bar hotel. Unfortunately, she'll dream up some story and it will sell lock-stock-and-barrel.

Already changed the locks. I record any and all interactions, and am taking steps to make sure the custody swaps are as painless as possible.

5. The GAL part is for you. As hard as it is, start doing something (anything) you like to do. The first couple times it may be hard. Concentration seems to be one of the first things we lose.

Actually had a great weekend with the kids. Went to the mall, went to a bookstore, got our hair cut, went to several little shops. Actually had a great day, and it was only slightly marred by W's behavior and reaction to it.

6. Detach -- getting into pissing contests with her only makes you feel worse in the long run. If you are not sucked into her nonsense, you will be able to make rational decisions. The ones you are about to make will be there for a lifetime.

I am... I spoke to my therapist and told her I wanted to begin resolving my feelings and distancing myself from the M. I spoke to my preacher and told him the same thing - that I'm going to be working on moving on as best I can, and as far as I could tell there is no hope for reconciling at the moment.

7. Be careful with your current actions as some people may try to paint you as vindictive -- I know that's not the case, just laying out what may be presented to the judge. Best interests of the child(ren), don't always follow common-sense guidelines.

Yeah I made it plain to my attorneys that my sole purpose was the best interests of D1. I wish the best for W and hope she gets help. I don't want to do anything to punish her for the A, I hope she learns what she needs to from it and she has a good life.