Hey Tawnya...first, let me say that I AM FINE. No harm, no foul. I feel a little played; but I'll do different next time. Because, I know her; they'll be a next time. When she's lonely, she always comes around. I've been immersing myself a little more on this BPD stuff; which my IC thinks she has, and I'm more aware now of what may have occurred this past week.
She's been thinking that I have a GF; so she cleans my house, does my laundry, and says she wants to date again. Readily, because she's convinced me that God is at work in her heart, I agree. But I'm a little wary. I call her bluff, ask her out. We have a great time; but toward the end she asks, "So what hot date did you cancel to go out with me?" I responded, "just giong out with friends. I'm not dating, I'm still married. I did this because if God is wanting you to do; He obviously is leading me to do the same. And so long as we're still married; you have a chance. After the D, not so much."
so my thinking it is the push/pull of the BPD and the fear of abandonment issue at play. She's got an OM; let's say things aren't rosy with OM on Tues.; she wants to date. She and OM get better by Sat.; Now no dating; she's sorry she led me on. BUT, she ascertains that Tom is still there if OM isn't. I hate you/don't leave me. Let's be friends. It's the best for the kids. yada...yada...yada... I hope your Mother will forgive; I really love her and would love to continue to have a R with her. LOL!! Seriously, this was said!
All of the above is purely speculation on my part; but my hunches with her are almost dead on in the past. In fact, she stated Sat. night that I know her the best of anyone else in the world. Maybe that's a liability; but, then again, maybe not.
So Tom has decided, to answer your 1st question Tawnya, that he is not necessarily giving up DB; but not worried about whether or not his M is saved. The stuff I've read in the past 72 hours about BPD has me convinced that the sooner this ends, the better off the kids and I will be. I will have to deal with it as long as we're parenting; but I've found support for that as well.
So I'm on guard for the pull...she sent me a TM to ask if I could pick up the kids and I said "yes"; of course! She complained to me (did not blame me) that she's always upset after seeing the kids because she doesn't see them enough. I told her that there was a way to remedy that. But I digress, for some who DOES complain sometimes about never seeing the kids; she sure passes up a lot of opportunities. And she RARELY calls them.
She complained about the Sat. night; yet she never made a phone call on Sunday.
Anyway, the pull coming...She thanked me for Sat. night and said that she had a good time. I just told her "you're welcome and I'm going back."
Tawnya totally agrees that referring to herself 3rd person is awesome stuff
{{{Tom}}} The one thing I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, is that you are and will be totally fine either way! I know what you mean and agree with you that I would feel a bit played as well, but that push/pull certainly sounds like what you've been going thru my friend..NOT a fun spot to be!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
It is the "newest, coolest thing to be" and to diagnose. A lot of kids that were being diagnosed ADD and ADHD are now being rediagnosed as bipolar. It's a touch subject, thanks mainly to drug companies trying to push drugs. Lots of controversy. But for people who are bipolar and don't get treated, it is just as bad.
Melissa
Last edited by Mellenmack; 03/30/0911:29 PM.
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Actually, it's Borderline Personality Disorder. There are no drugs to treat BPD; only drugs to treat the accompanying depression. Therapy is the resolution; but it's seldom successful because most BPD's quit too soon.
