Puppy, it doesn't feel like there is a goal anymore. I know what it USED to be. I have been recently saying how I wanted to maintain a friendship with her, but maybe I was just saying that. Maybe I still had some hope.
Well, it feels like the hope is gone. As best I can tell, my goal for the past couple months was for her to end things with OM. That last time she spewed forth her venom, a few weeks ago on the second day of Spring Break, just did something for me. It let me....see the light. What she really has become.
The stuff that I was doing, and getting my ass jumped on for, wasn't working. Me showing and giving myself to her still. Everyone knew it, I just wasn't listening. If she would end things with him, I COULD be friends with her still. I do care for her and do still love her. But I'm loving myself more, now.
Part of me IS trying to show her what life would be with out me. Or maybe I'm trying to show myself what life would be with out HER. I DON'T want to be her bud while she is still with him. I'm not hostile to her, nor her to me. I want her to feel the repercussions of what she's done. I don't want to be there for her anymore.
I'm giving her nothing. Not being a dikk. I'm friendly, but I wait for her to greet me first and I usually wait for her to tell me goodbye.
She came to pick up the kids from my house yesterday.
Had a great weekend with the girls, btw. Saw old friends play some rugby. They kicked ass. My old team is going to the TRU's, which are the state playoffs for city teams. Made me want to get out on the pitch again. Afterwards, BBQ at my buds house, our girls played together so well. We spent the night at his place and came home next day.
D12 decided that she wanted to stay with me for one more evening, so the wife only picked up D7. Outside, her leaving, I did tell her to be careful. She just gave me a look like, "I know you don't meant it, but thanks anyway."
D7 ended up calling me in the evening to say goodnight. I asked and found out that she was reminded by her mom to call me.
Today, the wife called both my work phone and cell phone trying to contact me. I was with a client and missed the calls. I called her back and she was asking me some banking questions for a client she had in her office. Getting off the phone, she tells me,
"Thanks. Oh, and I'll call you later. We need to talk about our daughter."
I just said okay and hung up.
My new goal for me is to move on, live life, enjoy life, reconnect with old friends again like I have been and have fun.
On MY terms.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
