Seperated

[PortlandDad]

I'm going to have to side with Puppy on this one. Sorry T2, but you really don't want to forewarn or forearm your spouse when you are in the midst of fighting for your marriage. Even though the tactics of GAL and acting "as if" are for our benefit, if the wayward spouse were clued in to what the gameplan was, they could frustrate the entire effort.

I also disagree that they are books that you would want to make generally available to married couples. Most of the activities, if viewed from within the confines of a loving marriage might appear to be incredibly selfish. The concept of GAL and focusing on ourselves and the kids is also self-centered. I think if more loving couples practiced what DB and DR advocates, there would be more problems in marriages, not less.

There are far better books on what married couples can do to increase intimacy, sharing, and bonding. Go to any bookstore and there are rows upon rows of books to help strengthen marriages.

DB and DR are strong medicine for when everything is going into the toilet. In those situations where the marriage is breaking down, you need something strong and unconventional to cope.

If you will pardon a weak analogy: DB and DR are akin to a strong antibiotic ointment. You can put it on whenever you feel like it, but it doesn't really provide much benefit. In fact, using it before you need it might make your situation worse (AB resistant bugs). Once you are injured, however, it is a salve that promotes healing by preventing infection.

Yeah, it's a thin analogy, but i think you get the point.

Greg:
You are on the roller-coaster, and it isn't as fun as when you were a kid, let me tell you. Your Ws moods are going to swing from high to low, and she is going to try and take you right along with it. Detachment is key to avoid needing dramamine. Detach from her and work on yourself.

ppenton re-posted a great laundry list of things to do/not do as you navigate this. Here's a linky to his list.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1743120&page=1#Post1743204

Hang in there and keep posting here for support, advice, and a friendly shoulder to cry on. You will also benefit from skimming aorund and reading some other folks' sitches. You will find that lots of folks are in similar places and they have charted out the reefs and shallows: learn by proxy!