Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

My H is 44. My DB coach suggested becoming more distant and trying that for 3 weeks. Its tricky b/c H works in our home in his office and I see him in the AM and lunchtime..
I will separate our bank accounts if he spends anything but food/gas out of our joint account. He is paying for his apartment and other expenses out of his business account(which he just put a password on-so I can no longer see). I'm the only one putting money in the joint account.

Well so much for being upbeat and positive. I asked my husband if the boundaries he was working on from therapy had to do with me. He said his boundary is his therapy is his-he doesn't want to share. I said I'd like us to remain friends but I feel all we talk about is chitchat. He felt all we talked about was relationship stuff(which I know we haven't for at least a week).
I got a bit upset and got ready to leave. I asked him to let me know if he decided to continue his A, b/c I couldn't be his friend then-it would be too hard emotionally. He nodded. He said he would eat lunch elsewhere(he works out of the house and I come home for lunch-so we usually eat together)-I said no-I would eat at work. I said I wanted to know who he is-he said its a shame I didn't for all these years-I agreed it was a shame. I said it would be nice knowing who you are now to see if there's anything there between us-as friends or anything. I said I felt he's closed his heart to me. Oh the backsliding was bad! But I am so angry/hurt now, at least I have the conviction that I can be distant for awhile.. I'm sure he'll keep seeing the OW. He doesn't have me..so there really aren't too many people for him to talk to. He's in his office all alone everyday.
I'm regretting I even brought up a R issue(the boundaries), but I'm not super strong yet with this DB stuff. Yet. I'll keep trying.