Though I'm higher D than my H, I still need a little help getting in the mood to give him a display. Largely because of the "I don't feel pretty/sexy/deserving of sex" force in the crazy part of my brain. I notice that when I am put together on the outside, I am much more apt to be flirtatious.
I'm sure your W is getting dressed and made up for work. But, do you go out on dates? Does she have a reason to get "prettied up" and feel sexy?
What if you looked at her point blank and said, "Get dressed. We're going to dinner" or "We're going to X to listen to music Saturday night." No smiling (but not angry), maybe just a smirk, tempered warmth. Sort of like a cowboy who doesn't care if his woman wants it or not. Would that possibly force her into a more feminine mindset so that when the evening comes, she is nervous and almost giddy because of how you're handling her, she gets dressed thinking that every layer will be important (not just the outer one), and becomes naturally inclined to be your peacock?
What I'm suggesting here is... Rather than ask if it is fair to ask her to change her LD if you don't want to/can't change your HD... Instead, focus on changing your mindset and approach to her to see if that might be a catalyst to change her level of desire.
I mean no disrespect, Bagheera. I haven't read all of your years of trying, so if this is not helpful and frustrating to read from a newbie... Like a PhD listening to advice from a toddler... please excuse me.
Or, maybe you've already tried "cowboy" with no luck and might try out a new role.
