My H use to be a great guy. That is why I fell in love with him and married him. I just wish I had that guy back. I feel that the longer that we are married the more he feels that I owe him for the money that he has spent, the things that he buys, the things that he has done. I get reminded that when he met me, I was living in a mobile home with my two girls, no driver's license, had a dead end job, and bills that we long over due and some that were still mounting. Now look at what I have, large house in country, agreage, a good job, my driver's license, all past bills paid and have been able to keep up on monthly bills...blah, blah, blah....
This is what narcissist abusers do. They "act like" a great guy. He met you, you were in not so good a situation, and he "acted like" a great guy until you fell in love with and married him. Now you have the real guy. The mask is gone.
A great guy does not eventually call his wife, or anyone else, a n***er f***ing whore, or a c*** for letting plants die. You cannot get the great guy back, no matter what techniques you use or how hard you try...because he does not exist. He never did. It is very hard to accept when it seemed to be real. He will leave you love notes on occasion if necessary to keep you reeled in to his bullsh!t.
I am so sorry you are going through this. The reason it doesn't make any sense to you, is because it doesn't make any sense to a normal person. You are the normal person in this scenario.
Please take Bridgestone's advice about the Patricia Evans book, and safety measures, etc. And I would spend some time reading up on narcissism and sociopathy and abuse.
