Agree 100% with SP. I think you and I know I was thinking I was DBing but my focus was still about my W. I started doing real DBing when I realized that my M was probably over so I didn't have to ACT as if it was real. I do know my old M is over, which is a good thing, but I think we may be able to build a new better M.
I'll agree on this. I have been too focused on the wife and have been reactionary for the most part. Time to GAL.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Ok, I have a question. I have been advised by someone who is not a lawyer that I need to file first in light of sitch so that I can have a better chance of being the custodial parent. I don't know if I'm inclined to do this at this point in time. Any thoughts???? Any lawyers out there or folks that have actually gone through this????
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Well, I'm in KY; so take that into account; but my L advised me to file when she was 30 days post moving out. That her abandonment of the marital home and leaving the kids behind helped my case; but by no means made it a slam dunk.
25yearsmlc is an attorney and I am a paralegal. But, I will not give you legal advice. I will suggest that you call a couple attorneys and find one that does free initial consultations. They can answer basic questions for you. for that matter, go to base legal--that is a question they can answer for you!
I would suggest finding out if you can file an order for temporary custody and support. I am not sure what the laws are in Florida, as I am in VA and have never studied FL law. Seriously, thoough, make an appointment with legal and have them explain all of your options.
I know, when DH went to base legal last year, they could answer his questions, just could not represent him in anyway. I know he was not happy when he left, as they told him he had no reason for a divorce (he did not tell them about OW, obviously!), he had 4 kids that needed a dad, and that it would devastate him financially, as I have been a supportive wife and he has no grounds. The told him to go to counseling and recommended the base chaplain to him.
Keep your chin up! Spend time with your daughter, take up bowling or teach her how to shoot pool. Have fun together. She is at an age that while she needs a mom, you are going to show her what a husband and father looks like. Model to her what a Godly husband and father is so that she will make the right choices for herself in the future.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Don't sell yourself short Puppy, you're more than just trying!
AF, You do the DB to cope and once you figure out it's about taking (loving) care of yourself and growing then the real changes occur. The best part is the changes are for you first and foremost. 180s - get out of a rut GAL - you are responsible for your own happiness act as if - internally driven not externally Goals - always a good idea do something different - solution to unproductive habit
Start DBing for yourself. You can handle it. Strength and Honor. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yep, no lawyers that do free consults in this area. The one I did go to charged $75 and told me that regardless of what the wife had done, she could and probably would get custody if she wanted it. He said that if I fought it, it could cost me up to $20G. He said barring her doing something illegal, the courts decide in favor of the woman 90-95% of the time. His advice was to kiss her ass with the hope of reconciliation and/or a uncontested divorce with me getting what I already have right now--daughter, house, no bill, etc. I will make an appointment at base legal though. Thanks for the info.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
While Puppy might have phrased it better, you have no idea how frustrating it is to read how you are doing all the wrong things. I'll give it plain with only a touch of a 2x4:
1. NO MORE TALKING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP! At all! 2. No more excuses why you have to answer the phone every time 3. Not one more word of her about, "what, you're not talking to me now?" 4. No more telling her how she said, "I love you and don't want a divorce". (Why is it that DBers are really anxious to "believe none of what they hear" when it's bad stuff, but really ready to believe all of what they hear if it's positive?) 5. No more acting like you are crushed. 6. Basically, give her space and continue to give her space. Accept some, but not all, contact and be cheery when you hear from her. Don't linger. Don't ask how she's doing. Don't remind her of anything she previously said. Don't act like your world is collapsing.
Come on buddy...start DBing
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Copy all. Like I said earlier, I needed that anger from her last night as it motivated me somehow. I will not talk about the relationship anymore with her. And I see you list and I will follow it. I will do better. Thanks.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
told me that regardless of what the wife had done, she could and probably would get custody if she wanted it.
This guy sounds like a hack. So, your wife essentially abandoned your daughter for 2 months, but will still get custody if she wants it? I wouldn't hire him.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Ok, I have a question. I have been advised by someone who is not a lawyer that I need to file first in light of sitch so that I can have a better chance of being the custodial parent. I don't know if I'm inclined to do this at this point in time. Any thoughts???? Any lawyers out there or folks that have actually gone through this????
AW, I'm also in Florida and my attorney -- who specializes in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues -- said it doesn't make any difference who files first here.
FWIW. Actual mileage may vary; void where prohibited and yadda yadda yadda.
