OH Baggy...this is sad news. But of course, I guess it is not really "news" since you have been dealing with this same issue for over 20 years....
I want to ask, if this is an easy question, (maybe it isn't?), what does Mrs. Bagheera say/think about the "dealbreaker" part of this?
For instance, she has tried, very hard, but isn't really making much progress in her own desire level for more intimacy increasing. So...is it a dealbreaker to HER too? Does she want to be left alone to just be who she is, now that she's really tried very hard and knows that effort won't yield much more desire? Is she willing to feel like you are behind her with a whip for the rest of your lives (I remember you said she described her feelings that way at one point)?
And the other question, I guess she must know that this is a deal breaker for you, from previous conversations you must have had....does this frighten her? Does it make her not want to tell you how she really feels, for fear that you will leave?
It seems that in most of the SSM stories I've come across, including my own, the person with less passion and desire is "just fine" in the relationship, as long as they aren't pressured for more sex. If they aren't pressured, then they are perfectly happy and wouldn't ever leave. But the other partner is miserable. Would you say that describes you guys?
Baggy - I'm just about to cry thinking of what you are saying about your sitch, after such a long and noble fight, and so many "up" periods along the way, I was very sure that things were changing for the better....but on the other hand, in a strange way, I am happy for Mrs. Baggy to be able to be honest with you. I think some wives in her shoes would simply claim that their desire for intimacy had increased, all the while, the husband would *know* it still wasn't what he was seeking...and she would just be trying to bluff her way through it. At least, Mrs. Baggy has the courage to be authentic and tell you her truth. Sad as that is to your marriage.
