Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

This is the point where resentment, and anger set in.

I find myself here at work anticipating his stupid call. He said he'd call me at work today, I kind of figured he wouldn't and it's only 12:15 PM here, but I find myself waiting for his dam* call, and I get angry each time I pick up and it's not him. It makes me feel unimportant that he can go on a vac by himself to see his dad, to relieve stress while I'm here doing everything I have to do, I never get a dam* break. I'm mom 24/07. I get stressed too, and can I leave to another country for a wk? NO!! The world would fall apart. Yet he goes over there gets to live life w/ no responsibilities for more than a wk. He doesn't even call to see if all is well, if me and the girls even made it to work and skl. He's happy in his own lil' world over there and it pisses me the he!! off!!

Maybe I'm over reactng? I don't know. But right now I'm angry and if I don't let it out somewhere that's when I'll get sarcastic with him when he does manage to find a second to call.

I hate waiting for him to call. I hate when work is so slow that I notice he hasn't called. I hate that he's over there with his cheating brother that will screw anything that walks. Makes me feel uneasy. My H says he isn't one who gives in to peer pressure, and he says he gets upset that I don't know that by now, almost 13 yrs together. But my mind can't help but wonder, and make me think stupid things. If they're always together over there, and one is cheating then what is the other doing. My H says he has waited in the car, running errands things like that, while his brother has slept around and cheated on his fiance.

Ugh, I hate feeling insecure. I want him to be as happy with me as he is when he is over there. He says he feels "free" over there. Life is slower, and he doesn't have to worry about work and responsibilities.

I'm not even going to call him, the girls can call him tonight if they wish to, tho he told them he'd call them after school.

He's over there living life to the fullest while I'm stuck here in responsibility land, and he's fine with it b/c he knows my dumb a$$ will still be sitting here when he gets back.