This is good in a sense cos I know that if I was in your postion I would want to fill in all the blanks.
Originally Posted By: Tostada
I'd also like to help her nail him to the cross.
Well by all means help nail him to the cross but the down side to that is that it drags you down into their murky world (W & OM) longer than you need to be there. Ultimately if W has moved on with this sleezbag, then you'll need to move on with your life. Don't let then anger and the hurt drive your future, let some of it out, then start to focus on where you want to go.
Nice to hear from you...although the circumstances are less than ideal. First off, I really hope you find some work. If for no other reason that it will occupy your mind for 8 hrs. a day.
I have said this in the past. Unless they are mistreated, people do not leave a marriage, a family without having a plan B. Some people are better than others at hiding it but the truth usually resurfaces.... My advice, although extremely difficult to follow (I was not able to) is to avoid filling in the blanks. Apart from pissing you off more and maybe losing more respect for your wife, what will be accomplished. You will undoubtedly confront her with your new information and feel better for a short while. At the end of the day, most WAS are in their own world and they have already formulated a reason for their actions. Otherwise, they would not be able to function and move forward. I find it ironic that most WAS seem to go on with their lives with little or no apparent remorse in spite of the fact that they were being less than moral. Do what you need to do T.....but the sooner this gets out of your system, the better off you will be. Believe me. I have been there.
i cannot begin to explain my emotions. what she has done to me has been totally unbelievable. i have gone from what I thought was a happy family, to two destroyed families. i am amazed at the place she can put herself and think this is a better life and that this will make her so happy. where is her concience. how can she look herself in the mirror. how can she exist in this community with the reputation she has created for herself. then pile that on with an om with the same issues. she has scorched the earth with damage to herself, her family, and many friends. its the most selfish act i can imagine. how did she become this person. her problems are just beginning.
I have asked myself a few of those questions. Maybe not as eloquently and as heartfelt as you express them but....I and probably alot others feel your pain. Even if she would answer those questions one by one, you would not accept them. No more than I would. Like I wrote earlier, the WAS has all this neatly tucked away in a portion of their brain called lala land. They have no problem looking at themselves in the mirror because they have come to terms with their actions. Looking back, I now realize that XW was always selfish but I did not notice. Of course, I am certain that nothing prepared us for this type of behaviour. The question is and always will be, what will T do with this information......The way I try to deal with these emotions that do creep up occasionally is to come to the realization that we are better off without this type of person in our life....not easy but I really doubt that our XWs will suddenly become the person we remeber.
T, Not surprising at all. Don't expect any morality or conscience now - WAS such as these did not have much of this since a long time ago. The sad part is the children in the middle.
By the common laws of 'live and let live' and 'everyone does this' so 'time to move on' you could go find a 'sweetheart' and justify it, but I seriously doubt that makes things right for you or your kids. To me this seems like the behavior of stray dogs that smell their way to their next sexual encounter. I'm sure most won't agree with me but that's just my view.
W came by today to talk to D10. We talked at the door for awhile. I told her how upset I was, how I felt lied to, etc. She doesn't think she has done anything wrong. Every example I brought up she had justified in her mind that it was all ok. 'He had a bad marriage', 'we are so alike and communicate so well'. 'We have things we never had'. 'He didn't break up our marriage'. 'I expect to be with him forever', stuff like that. She has made me look like everything he isn't. She is very concerned about what I'm telling my kids, because she has done no wrong. I said she had to have some level of doubt about this guy, after what he did to his wife. She has none. She has no guilt for what she has done. He's so perfect for her. Its all so troubling.
I guess it will be good to talk with OM's STBXW so as to get a different view as to whether this guy is as "perfect" as your XW claims he is. I dont see how you could help "nail him to the cross" when it comes to legal divorce matters. Washington is a "no fault" state just like mine.
Don't want to come off as an "i told you so" guy. Nothing about what your wife said surprises me in the least bit. I bet she said that she met him after the two of you were done too! This sounds so familiar...I think I could become a fortune teller.
john you are a fortune teller...yes, thats exactly what she said, saying he was not responsible, that she was going to leave me 3 years ago, though there were no signs of that. then she said she decided to stay until the kids got through high school, which is bs. said they were just 'friends' and that he wanted to work on his marriage. unfortunately, i read the emails at the time and she didnt regard him as just a 'friend', because friends dont talk to each other like that. she said they tried breaking it off a few times because he wanted to work on his marriage. neither of them could work on their marriage because these two saw each other at work all the time, went out to lunch, drinks, were with each other on road trips. they couldnt work on their marriages because plan b was always in their pockets. neither tried to do the right thing and both dont care. they are their soul mates of course.
