I've been married 16 years together since 1984. We've had one episode of infidelity (by my husband) about 10 years ago. We worked through that and our marriage improved and trust was regained although it took awhile.
Well, my husband told me a couple of months ago, he has been unhappy in our marriage for awhile and is considering moving to Montreal to be with his newly found friends and start a new life. I feel he is in a mid-life crisis; however, I felt that same way 10 years ago. He is not exhibiting classic mid-life-crisis symptons outwardly but wanting to at 41 run away from obligations, etc. and start a whole new life is something I find incredibly silly. I did not know where to start so read DB and have been employing those tactics as much as possible. I am changing things about myself for mainly myself and he has noticed changes. I have not told him or brought attention to those changes, but he has notice and he said while he appreciates the attempt it is too late. He told me he is absolutely torn in half about leaving or staying. He does not want to see a marriage therapist he wants to work on this ourselves. However, I am the only one to ever bring up talking and each time we are finished talking over the past couple of months he still comes back with being still torn. He has planned to take a trip to Montreal for a week and said he had probably better make a decision on way or another after he gets back.
I am trying to be supportive, have no blow ups, etc., but I really cannot take it anymore. I have bent over backwards, tried to be his friend, listened, etc. to no avail.
I am so very close to giving an ultimatum but am afraid I will regret it. I want to tell him that he needs to make a decision to stay or go in the next couple of days because I need to know what plans I should make. By the way we have no kids and we work together so we are basically with each other 24/7. If he leaves we have to quit our job...so complicated.
I need to know how people in this group are able to keep up the DB guidelines/suggestions and not go completely crazy and feel like you are doing everything to try and hold the marriage together when they have all the power. Doesn't it make you look weak to your spouse when you stand by and continually take what they give.
