I'm sorry you're in such a bad place this weekend. Can I ask, what specifically is making you cry? Are there particular thoughts or emotions associated with it? Also, do you feel your grief is as deep this time as previously, or is it at a slightly less intense level? Sorry, that sounds a bit clinical--I feel for you; it's a terrible place to feel so alone.
About the PE, I think you stated that it began to show up in your relationship in the last few years. So I'm assuming that the excitement of sex with someone new (and possibly a bit sleazy?) would allow H to perform better for a period, but once the novelty wore off, his mind would dominate his physical urges once more and the problem would return. I sort of found the same thing after having my D--I was okay for a while, then a sort of fog would creep into ML, and I was unable to connect with my sexuality again for very long at a time. Most of the stories I've read here, the MLCers admit afterwards that sex with the OP was not great, but they lied about it when rubbing it in their spouse's faces. And you know how effortlessly they lie about everything else at that point! They probably don't want to admit to themselves that they've just lost yet another reason for leaving the M.
I read over your first post here again, and it seems indisputable to me that your H went through a drastic change a few years ago, one that included all the hallmark phrases of MLC. I think your C and your friend are right that your H was damaged by his abuse, and that the depth of his MLC results from it, and that he may never snap out of MLC-mode unless he really confronts himself. However, from what you've said, I think he was showing his better self when you met and for some years after, so what you had was not just an illusion.
Are you feeling any better today? Is it good to be at work, so you've got people around you and tasks to perform? Have you got any further on planning your vacation?
