Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

I know exactly what you mean the whole Good vs. Evil LOL... I even rationalize with myself beforehand, saying "Self, you will not ask that or say that, it will start a HUGE fight, or show your insecurity" I know being insecure is a huge turn-off for a man, and when he and I 1st met I was extrememly confident. After having the girls my self esteem and confidence went out the window LOL. And my sarcasm and nasty mouth took it's place. He has admitted to me and my mom that that's a major thing that pushed him away.

I think that's why he is inching towards me, but at the first sign of my "old self" he can say you know what, You really have not changed at all. And that'll be his easy way out b/c we "are not together".

I hate wanting a reconciliation, I feel the anxiety I felt when I was wanting him to propose to me.

He has called each day he's been away, Friday he called when he got out of the airport, then as soon as he knew I'd be off the train after work, saturday he called at 7:45 in the morning, then again around 9:30 at night to tell me he had a terrible headache. Sunday AM he didn't call early, so I tried calling him to see how he was feeling (back in Sept when he got really sick it was due to a migraine seizure, so I was concerned when I didn't hear from him super early) He didn't answer, I got in contact with his dad, and he said my H was fine that he was back at the house and didn't feel like going out w/ FIL and BIL.

When they got back to the house they told him I called so he called me after a lil while. I asked him why he hadn't called earlier in the morning like the day before, and told him I was concerned b/c I didn't hear from him, and I knew he was sick the previous night, and didn't take his migraine meds with him. He said he doesn't know why he didn't call, and that he's fine that they were getting ready to drink some beer and play dominoes. The conversation was about 4 mins long, if that.

At nine something last nite the girls wanted to call him to say good night, he didn't answer but called back about 5 mins later said he didn't hear the phone. Spoke to them each for about 4-5 mins, then when I got on the phone he told me what he had eaten throughout the day and that they were finishing up a BBQ, and was about to eat again, and said he'd call me today at work. So all in all each time he speaks to me it's only about 2-4 mins. Except when he had the migraine on sat nite, we spoke for about 10 mins.

Should I be glad we are even speaking at all, or concerned that he's keeping the conversations so short?

Is my mind playing stupid tricks on me and making me get angry at our short conversations, when I should be glad he's even speaking to me, when all he really needs to do is check in on the girls since "we are not together"?

Ugh, I hate living in my own head sometimes. It can be a very lonely, confusing place.

Any insight is greatly appreciated.