Today will be a tough day...H will be here to pick up son early as I have to take D16 for senior pics...she is an ambassador and needs to get them done early..
S11 has a game today and after pics I will meet s11 and H at the ballpark for the game...this is one part that irritates me...H will go and be so happy and chipper in front of all our friends and I will get there and he will talk to me like nothing is wrong...grrrr then when we're leaving it's back to the same ol stuff...no contact....which I haven't contacted him either ....I'm just so much better when I don't see or hear from him...cause I'd like to slap that fake smile right off his face..S11's coach knows what's going on, we've talked about how sad it all makes me and he's wondered why H hasn't been to any practices...he used to go to them all, now can't be bothered with them, he has to "work"...all lies.....anyway....coach was talking to me about H and what if he brings OW there and I said, I don't know what I'd do but at this point in time it wouldn't be pretty...he said, "don't worry we got ur back"..they don't understand what happened to H either...I tell them what I think snodderly told me....that the mother ship has come in and kidnapped my H....LOL And he thinks he has it all....
So this person, my H, who meant the world to me and my children, put them first, and everything in our lives has changed to say, "he just doesn't want it anymore", doesn't want to be married, but he still is, not sure for how long but still is..anyway...now is going on vacation with OW, never thought I'd see this day...so he is working alot to make sure he gets his stuff done to go on vacation with her at the expense of his children....who does that? I have a hard time leaving my kids for an evening, or even when son goes with H for a night...I miss him....how does H not miss him? Can you really put everyone out of your mind like that? I'm just curious....I'm really not dwelling on it...i do go about my day cause if I didn't I would really go crazy. Snodderly...you have told me a million times not to dwell....I think I need someone to knock me over the head with a 2 x4 sometimes....it's nuts...they're nuts...or making us think that we are...
So, off to see my beautiful D16 get pics done....she is a true blessing...
doc visit was ok....nothing up front....have to wait for results of everything next week....I'm praying for all good news....and I have to go for a mammogram next week....HUHHHHHH......it's always something....
(((hugs)))
Last edited by Treese; 03/28/0912:53 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
You are still attempting to put a square peg in a round hole. Your h's behavior isn't rational, therefore, you as a rational person, will not understand.
One thing I've noticed is you worry too much about him being at the games, etc., where you will be. Try to think of him as another parent and not your h. I know it's hard, but it ruins so much of your day when you are thinking the what ifs. I'm hoping he's still got enough sense left in the brain not to bring the ow around the games.
As for his comment about his soon to be ex-wife, they all say that. Just let the comment go. If you look at what you've posted, he makes the comment and yet on the other hand, wants to hold off a while on the filing. Treese, your h is very confused and isn't ready to divorce you. He's doing the stalling bit because he doesn't know what he wants and he's hoping against hope that you'll not file yet. I'm not telling you this to get your hopes up, I'm just pointing out the obvious...his words to not match his actions right now.
Go the game, enjoy yourself and leave the stranger on the bench. Act as if he's a stranger and if he speaks, speak and go on. Don't sit w/him...find some friends and sit w/them. He needs to see how it feels to be alone and not have you there w/him.
Treese, go to the game and have some fun!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Treece, I have no idea how they can neglect their kids but so so many do. Please do not feel it's just your H. Compared to many yours does have quite a lot of contact I think. That doesn't help comparing I know but it helps us to feel less like the only one whose H's have done this. Mine must be the old time winner in that in the 8 years since he left he has actually seen them once, my d for the first time nearly 2 years ago! My sons about 5 years ago. No nothing! He was a devoted father I will never know what happened but I no longer even try to get him to see or contact them I gave it up many years ago. I just get on with my life. Take care.
Snodderly....I do worry in general waaaayyyy too much....I'm working on that....
H took son on Saturday and overnight....unfortunately all my friends were busy saturday night so I went shopping. S11 called me after his movie that night...he sounded tired, sad...like he just wanted to come home and get into his own bed....I didn't suggest anything wanted him to spend time with his dad...Sunday H took him to the mall, then to HOOTERS for lunch..LOL...OMG...he's totally lost it...anyhow....they got home about 4..I had just gotten home from a jewelry party...I was still in my friends car...when I went in the house my H was just chillin on my couch w s11 watching the basketball game...H asked about D16's senior photography session and i was telling him about it...of course I felt like I was talking to the couch cause he couldn't look at me for more than a second at a time...whatever...I then went into the kitchen to get something to eat and H went to the bathroom for the 2nd time in 15 mins. why..that's his place to text...cracks me up...anyway...I never even say anything about it...so then all of sudden he said bye and left..probably OW calling...LOL...
Daughter's senior pics went very well...she is so beautiful...I texted her later on on Saturday and told her how much fun I had with her and how beautiful she was...she responded, "thx mom, I get it from you"...that's why we keep going, why we get up in the morning...our beautiful gifts from God....let H twirl in the wind...I wouldn't trade my days w him for anything...
Today I'm good, I have plans tonight...one day at a time...
OHHH....and I had mentioned to him yesterday about getting the title to my daughters car notarized so we can sign the car over to her and he says, "is that what we want to do, what about D16 & S11....we won't be able to get them a car..and says I should be driving that car cause mine is falling apart."...I just walked away...we've talked about this, and what's with the we stuff...I thought he was over me and moved on...grrrrr...
((((hugs)))
Last edited by Treese; 03/30/0902:44 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, The comments about the car....let them go. He doesn't know which end is up. His memory is mush.
He heard what you had to say about your daughter's senior photos. He just can't look at you...it's typical of those in crisis.
Count to ten whenever dealing w/your adult child.
Stay busy and have fun while doing so.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly....that is so true about their memory....my H doesn't remember anything...then tries to change his story or action..OMG...I just chalk it up to him being crazy...it's not me, it's him...I used to sit and think, "didn't I tell him"..cause he would tell me I didn't tell him....I really thought I was going crazy...now I know it's him...even my kids look at him funny sometimes... Anyhow..I'm going to enjoy my evening with friends...
YR....MAH...love ya mom.....OH, and the call your H got...wow...she has nerve....
and we might have to reevvv that bus up....I might have to run someone over....LOL
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Hi all, I'm new to this (only 3rd month of separation) but have definitely noticed the rewriting of history and filtering out of all good memories-quite amazing. I have a question for anyone who has experience with this...If a spouse goes through MLC and comes back into the marriage-does their memory improve? Recover? Just wondering..
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
K...I'm so sorry you are here....hopefully you will get someone like YR or Snodderly or one of the others who have been through this to answer your questions....
My H has not changed a bit in the year he has been gone...NOTHING...still thinks he made the right decision...still thinks he has found his "true love"...
Hang in there...come here to vent...I always do...we will pick you up, dust you off, and you'll be good for another day...
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
then when we're leaving it's back to the same ol stuff...no contact....which I haven't contacted him either ....I'm just so much better when I don't see or hear from him...cause I'd like to slap that fake smile right off his face..S11's coach knows what's going on, we've talked about how sad it all makes me and he's wondered why H hasn't been to any practices...he used to go to them all, now can't be bothered with them, he has to "work"...all lies.....anyway....coach was talking to me about H and what if he brings OW there and I said, I don't know what I'd do but at this point in time it wouldn't be pretty...he said, "don't worry we got ur back"..they don't understand what happened to H either...I tell them what I think snodderly told me....that the mother ship has come in and kidnapped my H....LOL 
And he thinks he has it all.... 
Snodderly...you have told me a million times not to dwell....I think I need someone to knock me over the head with a 2 x4 sometimes....it's nuts...they're nuts...or making us think that we are...
