Just missing you guys a little!

[Amy M]

Well, I survived the birthday party. In fact, I think I might have pulled off my best DB effort yet. My friends said I looked good, the house looked good, and in fact, one of the girls said when he left that "You are more woman than me. I never could have pulled that off." But, I guess that's because I now know the marriage is over, and I don't have to worry about what I do. And what he thinks about what I do. That's liberating!

I did have a few moments where I just thought to myself, "I don't think he's who I want to spend my life with anyway!" One of those came when he asked for water to water down his low-calorie Gatorade. He said that he had to cut calories where he could. The drink only has like 70 calories in it anyway. So, I just laughed and said, "Wow, it must suck to be you." I mean to be that obsessed with calories can't be any fun...he's thin, he runs, he goes to the gym...he could handle a 70 calorie Gatorade with no problem! It was a birthday party...so, I had cake and ice cream and didn't worry for a second what he might be thinking about that...I didn't care.

Then, a little later we were talking about all the toys the boys have, and he suggested that I get a chest of drawers and assign them each 2 drawers. And, that whatever didn't fit in those drawers should be tossed. I just laughed and said, "Actually, we don't mind the mess so much. We are really laid back at our house...we just go with the flow. I certainly wouldn't want the kids to have to give up anything that matters to them right now, would you?"

Just weird...he was never this way before. If he had been, we wouldn't have made it through the 1st year. It's almost like he's picked the things to not like about me, and he's gonna make sure that he reminds us both every chance he gets that he doesn't like them...that we are just that different...even though we didn't used to be.

For example, when we were seeing a counselor about a year before the bomb, he told the counselor how much he hated that I didn't keep the car cleaned out. Last weekend when I was helping S3 get into his truck, I noticed how messy his truck was...I even commented to S3 about it. I think H heard, but I don't care!

When he left, he told my friend's H that he had to get to work. Are you kidding? On a Saturday night? I'm pretty certain he was not working...and, if he wasn't, why did he feel the need to announce that he was?

It doesn't matter. It's just weird.

We did have an exchange on Friday when I emailed him the promissory note for the business shares purchase and told him we could see the attorney on April 7th to file. He said he wouldn't sign the promissory note, and that he was sorry I had wasted my money having it drawn up. He said that he may have sucked at keeping his personal promises, but he'd always kept his professional ones. (I don't understand how he can separate the two like that????). Then he said that his day was pure h3ll and went further to say that every day at work had been like that since he bought the business.

I don't know why that upset me so. But, I cried. I guess it was for two reasons. He's made such a mess of my life and the kids' lives that I guess at some level I want him to be happy so that it will have been worth it for some of us anyway. And, I also find it sad that he's so unhappy at work. Our marital struggles started when he bought the business. I don't see how he doesn't realize that his unhappiness at work likely had more to do with the marriage collapse than with anything else. He sees the two as completely unrelated!

At any rate, after I got myself together I sent an email response that said, "I hate that you are having such a bad day and that things at work aren't going as well as you would like. To be honest, my life was much happier before you bought the business too. I liked when things were simpler. If you can't sign this promissory note, please come up with another one. I'm sure you have kept your professional promises, but I have only dealt with you personally. So, I'm sure you can see why I need a legal paper where you pledge your promise to pay me this money. Please just put something together and send it to me. I'm tired of doing this mess for you. No matter how good my financial settlement may look on paper, I've still lost the one thing that was most important to me...my family. So, you do this paper, and I'll have my attorney review it."

So, Tuesday of next week, we'll file for divorce. About 60 days after that, it will be final. Who would have thought I'd have made it this far, and that I could sit here and type about my impending divorce without shedding tears! But, I can!!! Life will go on, and mine will be happy. And, my boys will be okay...I'll teach them right from wrong. And, I'll make sure that the other adults in their life (at least the exposure that I can control) will reinforce those teachings.

I hope everyone has a great week!!! Happy Monday (if there's any such thing) to you all!!

Love ya!!
Amy