I think he had reason to feel that way sometimes. My mouth and my sarcasm has gotten worse over the yrs, which can hurt anyone and make them wonder WTH they work so hard to make their W happy if all she's going to do is complain and nag. I'm am very appreciative of everything he has done and has given us, but I should have shown it and said it more often. I used to do it all the time, and that dwindled down as our relationship lengthened.
Well he landed around 11 am, got out of the airport around 12:25 and called me at 12:33, said they had begun driving around 5 mins prior, and called to tell me he arrived safely. I'm glad he called me so soon, he knows I worry. I told him I'll buy a calling card later in case he'd like to call later on, I can all him back so he doesn't waste his phone mins over there, and he said ok, we left it at that. I asked him a few things about his flight and baggage, lil things, and told him to enjoy his day and we said bye. Let's see if and when he calls again.
Happy, Upbeat, No Negative Vibes at all. I must prove I am a new changed person. Show him it's safe to come home to me.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I think you should stop and look back at where you came from. I think you'll see definite progress in gaining that trust.
I think he knows you love him. I think he loves you. I think he's confused about his feelings and that he does not want to come back to the old you. He wants the new you though. He's just wary because he's not sure how long the new you will be around.
Take the time to be sure you're doing this for you. You never likely wanted to be a shrew, did you? Did you grow up saying to yourself, "Self? When I grow up, I really want to be a bit** to the man I love. If only given a choice, I'll be sure to underappreciate him and be sure to knock him about every chance I get because everyone tells me I'm a princess and he should respect that!" I doubt you had that conversation. I think he never thought you had.
He's watching. He's paying attention. He's hurt deep down and can't understand all of it. It confuses him. He sees you change. He's not sure he can trust it though because that might hurt even more. He can't stand to be hurt any more.
Gain his trust. Be the woman you always wanted to be. You are doing that and it's having positive effect for both you and him, right?
Stay confident and stay positive. You're doing great.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I'm definitely doing this for me then for our family. I want to be happy, I thought I was happy. I really thought I was happy. But when we began having problems and I asked him why, then he began to point out all of these hurtful truths about me I realized no "happy" person can be so mean or so sarcastic all of the time.
I was happy in the sense that I had my H, I had healthy daughters, we have a decent life. But I was unhappy with myself, and one part of me knew that, but another part has been in denial for about 8 yrs. After I had my 2 girls, and my body transformed, my self image changed, and that hurt and anger radiated out to the world, my insecurities played a huge part in my M, b/c I began to act out of my insecurities.
But even after my H told me he wants a D, he keeps coming to me to ML and such so my dumb idea of my terrible self image can't be all that true. Over the yrs he always told me how attracted to me he is/was, but I always thought he was just trying to be nice, to help me feel good. There's no reason for any of that since the bomb, but he keeps coming to me.
I'm working on me for me, I want to feel good, and I want my H to feel good for marrying me. I want him to feel loved again, and to be proud of being married to me, as I am to him.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Nothing is more attractive than confidence (note: not arrogance).
Be honest with yourself and take this opportunity to work on you. If you ask me, you've already started down that path. I think you like the changes and I think your H does as well although that's not something you'll know for a very long time. You'll have to do the changes for you and he'll have to make his own choices. I think we can see what choices he wants to make though...
Keep it up. Don't slide.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I hope it leads to a reconciliaion and that I'm not just leading myself on. I don't think I would have gotten 5 kisses on the lips in the past 2 1/2 mths if he wasn't leaning towards us getting back together.
Times I've gotten kisses on the lips 1. 1/16/09- for his surprise b-day dinner 2. Feb. When he was excited about a gym workout 3. 3/7/09- When I took him to the event in OH 4. 3/20/09- when he gave me my anniversary flowers for our 7th anniversary 5. 3/27/09- when he was leaving to the airport, for his 8 day trip.
Wow, that's 3 in March, maybe they're getting closer in time. LOL. I really am making the changes I promised myself I would and also promised him many times before.
Is it pathetic that I remember 4/5 of the dates?
Last edited by 2gthrButApart; 03/27/0908:11 PM.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I have to get all of the negative ideas out of my head. Dumb thoughts that make me ask stupid questions that lead to fights and insecurity on my part then uncomfortablness on his part.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
OMG!!!!! THAT IS MY NUBMER ONE PROBLEM!!!! I tell AJ about it all of the time. I get inside my own head and start wrecking shop....I have no idea why I do this. I hate it when I do it, I know if I leave it alone, it will become a non-issue. I even hear the sane side of me screaming SHUT UP!!!! STOP!!!! THIS ISN'T HELPING!!!!! ARE YOU CRAZY????? And then my mouth is running away with itself. I've gotten better and I mean MUCH better than I was in the past, but I can now see, that the constant questions and bickering is not good. Takes a while but we'll get there.
I know exactly what you mean the whole Good vs. Evil LOL... I even rationalize with myself beforehand, saying "Self, you will not ask that or say that, it will start a HUGE fight, or show your insecurity" I know being insecure is a huge turn-off for a man, and when he and I 1st met I was extrememly confident. After having the girls my self esteem and confidence went out the window LOL. And my sarcasm and nasty mouth took it's place. He has admitted to me and my mom that that's a major thing that pushed him away.
I think that's why he is inching towards me, but at the first sign of my "old self" he can say you know what, You really have not changed at all. And that'll be his easy way out b/c we "are not together".
I hate wanting a reconciliation, I feel the anxiety I felt when I was wanting him to propose to me.
He has called each day he's been away, Friday he called when he got out of the airport, then as soon as he knew I'd be off the train after work, saturday he called at 7:45 in the morning, then again around 9:30 at night to tell me he had a terrible headache. Sunday AM he didn't call early, so I tried calling him to see how he was feeling (back in Sept when he got really sick it was due to a migraine seizure, so I was concerned when I didn't hear from him super early) He didn't answer, I got in contact with his dad, and he said my H was fine that he was back at the house and didn't feel like going out w/ FIL and BIL.
When they got back to the house they told him I called so he called me after a lil while. I asked him why he hadn't called earlier in the morning like the day before, and told him I was concerned b/c I didn't hear from him, and I knew he was sick the previous night, and didn't take his migraine meds with him. He said he doesn't know why he didn't call, and that he's fine that they were getting ready to drink some beer and play dominoes. The conversation was about 4 mins long, if that.
At nine something last nite the girls wanted to call him to say good night, he didn't answer but called back about 5 mins later said he didn't hear the phone. Spoke to them each for about 4-5 mins, then when I got on the phone he told me what he had eaten throughout the day and that they were finishing up a BBQ, and was about to eat again, and said he'd call me today at work. So all in all each time he speaks to me it's only about 2-4 mins. Except when he had the migraine on sat nite, we spoke for about 10 mins.
Should I be glad we are even speaking at all, or concerned that he's keeping the conversations so short?
Is my mind playing stupid tricks on me and making me get angry at our short conversations, when I should be glad he's even speaking to me, when all he really needs to do is check in on the girls since "we are not together"?
Ugh, I hate living in my own head sometimes. It can be a very lonely, confusing place.
Any insight is greatly appreciated.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Well, you were concerned and you are still allowed to be. Do you think he was mad when you called his father? Would his father tease him that you call the FIL? I think he is taking this time to do the same thing. And remember, he will be home to you soon and will have to leave his father. He doesn't get to have time with his father like he does with you and girls. He probably just wants to capitalize on that time. Put yourself in his shoes, what would you do if your mother was out of the country and you didn't get to see her often? You wouldn't spend your time with her on the phone with poeple you live with everyday.....and that's how it should be. He should be with his father. And really enjoy himself. Just be happy he is having a great time there. Maybe shoot him a text that says as much. You are doing great. And yes, take a trip out of your head. I'll come with you!
