A Cry for Help & Don't know where to go

[SRTTF]

Not sure if anyone is still checking in or now but I thought I would journal anyway.

I got a check in the mail the other day from H. Prob is, is that it is a State Refund Check. Taxpayer is H and it says Joint is me, pay to the order of me. That would be fine except I didn't know we were doing the taxed joint. Oops!, guess he didn't feel the need to tell me. Also, I didn't sign anything so did OW? L is trying to reach H to get copy of tax filing. If we don't get it before court on 4/20 then we will have the judge ask for it. I can't believe that he would do this but then again I don't know my H right now. Would it really have been too much to just e-mail me and let me know. Last weekend I got a suprise visit from my dad, sis, and brother. I thought oh sh$%, now what. They were here to kick my butt into gear and get all of my financial things together. So we did a budget, my debt as well as a debt sheet form both my H and me. All of them will be used for the spousal support case on 4/20. We also started a list of items to start selling. They helped me place a few things on Craigslist and I have been putting alot of stuff in boxes to sell. Then of course we have been getting alot of rain and found that my basement was flooding. So that is what I have been working on all week. The house is 110 yrs old and the basement walls are caving in so there are alot of holes and cracks in the walls. I have been patching and sealing all week. Tues was my D's b-day. We couldn't do much cuz of money of course but on Fri/Sat we did stand in line for the new Twlight movie. Thats all that she wanted and was so happy to be there in line with all of her friends.

Ok now I have a few questions.

1. I am going to send H some photos that he asked for when he first left. I guess I have just decided that it is not right to keep them from him but however, that is the only thing that I will mail him. If there is anything else that he is wanting he will have to come and get it. Anyway, my quesiton is should I put a card or letter in with the pictures and should I add any of D14? I want to tell him that I still love him and miss him terriably. I have not talked to him (well texted or e-mailed) since around Thanksgiving except I did send him a text on V-Day telling him that I miss him. Of course I didn't get a reply.

2. My other question is How do you completly give all of this to God? There are days when I feel like I have but then I either get to thinking about things or missing him or feeling so alone and wishing he was here. We were best friends. Some days I try to trick myself and think that he died and the next time I see him will be in heaven but then of course I remember that no he isn't in heaven he is with her!!!!! I just want to know what does it mean to truely put it all in Gods hands?

Well I sure hope that someone can help answers these for me because I have been tossing this around for awhile. I hope everyone is doing well.