The Flames are Still Rising....

[blindsided1]

I just can't keep my mouth shut...not for long, anyway. So, H drops off K tonight and it's fine until I say "Seriously H, 50/50 custody"....fight, fight. We argued. I cried. I told him that I couldn't believe that after everything he has done, he still wants to hurt me more. I told him that he has his family, leave what's left of mine alone. I said that he wants what he wants when he wants it and if he doesn't get it, he hurts you instead. I told him that K is all I have that he has taken enough from me. I also told him that I tried really hard to have a relationship with him over the last year and let go of my anger so that we could be good parents and work together for K. But, that I was done trying. That if he wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, he would have to be the one to make that happen.

I know, I know....I'm an idiot. I was getting really strong. But, this hurts. It hurts to watch him take everything from me and go off and have his happy new little family and leave me in the ruins of our M and our family. I told him that the love I once felt for him was almost gone because he made it very difficult to love him. But, stupid me...I still do. I still do. Damn it. I wish I didn't I wish I didn't.