Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

So it's Sunday night and I have to say while it has been incredibly hard I did a great job this weekend. W went out everynight until early morning and I did not say a word about it. the only thing I mentioned was that the chain was not on the door either morning and that worried me because she it the worrier that ALWAYS makes sure the chain is on every night. She said she is just not as anxious about it anymore and I said that is great and didn't say anything else.

I did my own thing all weekend and got so much done around the house and yard. I took the kids to a movie and had a great weekend. W was nice and semi-friendly, more so than usual and I was friendly but busy. I would listen to her but then I would finish the conversation to go off and do something in another room.

It was very difficult to keep a PMA at sometimes during the weekend. When I let myself think about what she might have been doing when she was out late, I got very sad or angry. But I did that in private. Had a good cry on Friday and in the middle W wanted to talk to me. I said I wasn't decent and talked to her through the door. Not 100% sure if she could tell or not.

I am really trying to have compassion for her and remember that she was really hurting and is still hurting that is why she is so angry and cold so often. I am trying to tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop being angry. When we reconcile we can deal with all that later. Right now I have to work on getting her back. If I get all into my needs I will never get her back.