Lucky -- oh I'm not giving up on the happy ending, dammit. Not by any stretch. Merely recounting events. Plan for the worst, hope for the best -- that was my rule as an Operations Officer.
Polly -- Yes indeed -- with Himself out of communication, all of a sudden she was like...herself (within a range of specification, of course).
But the Master Narrative is constant -- gotta do it, time of the essence, happy-happy, etc. etc.
And with that, I'll close with another odd one. Man it's been a weekend! Kids begged to be able to watch a movie with their pizza tonight soooooo, okay, since you've both been good.
WAW asks me to join her in dining room, out of earshot of kids. Holy moly, now what?
"I've been thinking a lot of where we went wrong." ("We" again.)
Well, that's understandable. I think about it too. I guess at some point you just want to understand beyond the emotions.
And idle talk. And then the reminiscences. How good it was. How good we used to be. And subtle modifications in the WAW D-bomb Story. Welllll, now maybe I wasn't so bad. Maybe it wasn't this and it wasn't that. Just the accumulation of things, who knows what might have happened if? Of course, we might still be where we are, but still, and....
Then shift gears to a discussion of post-D finances, and wouldn't it be great if we could mediate ourselves rather than lawyer-up -- and SP got very cagey on this question I can assure you. Basically said, "You know, I'm still processing all of this. And I'm really just focusing now on acceptance and dealing with the needs of the kids. I'll cross the money bridge when we come to it."
And without so much as a how-do-you-do WAW shifts gears back to what went wrong, and what a great father I am, and how she still has lots of positive feelings for me ("just not those kinds"), and etc. and etc.
So I thought I'd better contribute, so I shared some personal reflections about ways I'd gone wrong; goals I have for the future based on my acceptance of responsibility for what I did, etc. Redirected to some of my GAL events (obviously didn't call 'em that) -- tennis lessons, whatnot, how much I enjoy them.
She pointed out that Best Girlfriend has obliquely suggested, "What if?" And said something to the effect that BG wishes there was some hope for reconciling.
And then she said, you know when I dropped the D-bomb I was coming from a place of anger, now I'm more in a place of reflection. I want to know. And then sort of tacked on -- you know, in case there's ever, you know, love in my life again, you know, in the future.
And as I nodded to acknowledge, she sort of stuck on at the end "'Cause you never know what might happen."
So she's moved to the Nostalgia stage. What's next -- well, we might as well get in some s*x while we're waiting for the decree?
POD. POD POD POD POD POD POD POD.
But I think Polly's right on target -- with Signore Schmuckatelli out of town there's no one to distract her from her thoughts. And those thoughts don't seem nearly as clear as once they did.
